


Drawings of You

by MichiKomTrikru



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amnesia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Lies, Manipulation, Memory Loss, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2020-01-24 00:07:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 42,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18559894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichiKomTrikru/pseuds/MichiKomTrikru
Summary: What would you do if the love of your life forgot that you are in a relationship? What would you do if the love of your life only remembers hating you?





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the first time I'm actually writing and posting a fanfic. Please be kind. I don't know how often I'll be able to update but I've got a few chapters pre-written.
> 
> I'd also like to thank my beta 10200QP and some of my friends who have encouraged me to post this.
> 
> If y'all like this I may start posting more of the story ideas that have been flying around in my head =)

_No. No. This can't be happening. Not Clarke!_ Lexa ran as fast as she could. Worry and fear, this heart clenching fear she has never felt before, were driving her to keep on running towards her destination. _Please, not Clarke._

Lexa was sitting at a table at her and Clarke's favorite restaurant Grounders waiting for her girlfriend to arrive when she received a call from her sister Anya.

She froze on the spot. _Clarke. Accident. Hospital._ That was all she registered in her head before she bolted from her seat forgoing her car and started running towards Ark Hospital in her suit.

She burst through the door panting heavily. She stormed to the nurse at the reception looking at her with wide fearful eyes. “Where is she?! Where is Clarke?” she demanded.

“Miss you have to calm down.” the nurse tried to sooth her. “Who are you looking for?”

“Clarke! Clarke Griffin where is she? Tell me!”

“Lexa!”

Upon hearing her name Lexa spun around and saw Anya along with her girlfriend Raven and their friend Octavia sitting in a corner of the waiting section.

“Anya!” Lexa joined them, still looking frantic. “What happened? Where is Clarke? How is she?”

“Clarke is still being examined. We don't know what state she is in.” Raven told her seemingly calm, but it was clear for everyone who knew her that she was in a state of shock.

“The hospital called us saying she was in a car accident. According to the police some idiot ran a red light and hit her car in the side.” Octavia added.

“Why wasn't I informed?” Lexa wondered.

“Well….” It was obvious the three girls didn't know how to answer that question.

In that moment the doors, that lead to the floor Clarke was being treated in, opened and out came Clarke's mother Abby, the chief surgeon of the hospital.

“Ah, that explains that.” Lexa observed as Abby walked towards them.

“Hello girls.” she greeted. “Lexa. I see you were informed despite me ordering otherwise.” Abby didn't even try to hide the disdain she felt for her.

“I called her” confessed Anya. “As Clarke's _girlfriend_ she has a right to be here.”

Abby never liked the idea of Lexa dating her daughter. She wanted Clarke to follow in her footsteps to become a surgeon and to find a man she can build her own family with.

Ever since Clarke's father Jake passed away back when she was in high school their relationship became more and more distant and fell apart completely when she started college. Jake supported Clarke in her dream of becoming an artist while Abby kept on claiming she was wasting her time.

Sighing Abby proceeded to tell them about the state her daughter was in. “As you know Clarke was involved in a car crash. She has several cuts all over her arms and face. She also sprained her wrist. So far nothing major.” Hearing this the four waiting girls all sighed in relief. “However, she also hit her head pretty hard in the crash. We did some tests but we will only know the full extent of her head injury once she wakes up.” This information caused them tense again.

“Can we see her?” Raven asked.

Abby hesitated while looking at Lexa. After a moment she sighed, knowing there was no stopping the girl from seeing her daughter now that she is here. “Yes, you can, but she's still unconscious. She should wake up in the next hour or two though.”

Together the five women walked towards the room Clarke was in. Once there Abby left after instructing them to call her if anything should change.

Inside the room the saw Clarke laying on the bed having different tubes and machines connected to her body checking for vitals. She was covered in cuts and bruises. Part of her head along with her left hand was bandaged.

Lexa walked towards the bed and took a seat in the chair next to it. “Clarke” that was all she could say. She's never seen her girlfriend look this fragile and vulnerable.

Anya wrapped her arms around Raven who was obviously struggling seeing one of her best friends like this. Octavia leaned against the window trying to take it all in with tears in her eyes.

“Please wake up. I need you to wake up baby.” By now tears were streaming down Lexa's cheeks. “When Anya called me I thought I had lost you forever. I can't lose you Clarke. Not you too. I love you.”

A few hours later, way after visiting hours ended, the girls were still waiting for their blonde friend to wake up. No one tried to send them home, being friends with the chief surgeon's daughter did have its benefits. The doctors and nurses came in from time to time throughout the night to check on the sleeping girl.

Octavia, Raven and Anya have long since fallen asleep, Octavia while sitting on the floor beneath the window and Anya on a chair with Raven in her lap.

Lexa refused to fall asleep while the blonde was still unconscious. She looked out of the window seeing the sun starting to rise on the horizon.

She was starting to get even more worried. “Why won't you wake up Clarke? Your mother said it would only take a few hours, so why are you not awake yet?” She took the blonde's unharmed hand in between her own hands and kissed her knuckles.

About half an hour later the unconscious girl started to stir. “Mhmmm.”

Lexa sprung up from her chair waking up the other occupants in the room. “Clarke? Clarke!”

“I'll get a nurse!” Anya said while running out of the room.

Opening her eyes, Clarke saw the faces of her best friends hovering above her. She tried to speak but all that came out was a scratchy sound. Octavia gave her a glass of water, from which she took a few sips, before putting it down. “What happened?”

“You were hit by a car last night” Raven informed her.

Out of the corner of her eye the blonde saw another brunette standing next to her. Her face turned to stone when she saw who it was.

“Clarke? Are you ok? Anya should be back any second now with a doctor” Lexa fussed over her.

The look in the blonde's eyes was as cold as ice while looking at her girlfriend. “What are  _you_  doing here?”

The hatred with which she addressed Lexa made the whole room freeze.


	2. Chapter 2

Trying to regain her composure and to comprehend what was going on, Lexa started speaking. “What do you mean? Of course I'd be here for you Clarke. I love you.”

At that moment Anya, Abby and two nurses entered the room. The tension in the room was palpable. They looked at each of the women inside, trying to figure out what was going on. All they saw was three shocked brunettes and a blonde with a face full of rage and hatred, who was glaring daggers at her girlfriend.

“Get out.” was all Clarke said.

“What?”

“I said get out! I don't want a murderer like you anywhere near me!” At this point Clarke was screaming. “I told you before I never want to see your face again! You've got some nerve coming here, claiming to love me after what you've done to my father! GET OUT!”

Lexa felt her heart breaking into a million pieces. Her world started to crumble right before her eyes. It was hard for her to breathe and it felt like her lungs stopped working.

Abby looked on with a smug smile on her face, hearing her daughter say those words felt satisfying. She has waited so long for her daughter to open her eyes and see Lexa for who she really is. A lying murderer.

“But...Clarke I don't understand. Where is all this coming from?” Lexa was still trying to wrap her head around what was happening.

“What's there to not understand? Because of you my father died! This is all your fault! Now get the fuck away from me!”

“You heard my daughter. I think it is best if you leave.  _ Now. _ ” The chief surgeon was looking way too pleased with this whole situation.

Still wondering what is going on, Lexa stumbled out of the room. Being worried about her sister, Anya follows her after sending Raven and Octavia each a glance telling them to stay and figure out why Clarke is acting like this.

After both Woods girls left the room, Clarke let out a sigh still feeling agitated. “Unbelievable” she grumbled.

“Clarke, honey, I'm glad to see you awake again. If you don't mind, I'd like to run a few tests on you to see how you're doing. While we're at it I'd also like to check on your wounds and change the wrappings on your head and wrist.” After receiving a nod Abby and the two nurses proceeded to do just that. “Alright one more thing. I want you to follow this light here with your eyes.”

After all examinations were finished, Abby send the nurses out of the room and took a seat on the bed next to her daughter. “It seems you have a slight concussion from hitting your head. Nothing some pain medication and a few days of rest won't heal. Now can you tell me what the last thing you remember is?”

All eyes in the room were focused solely on Clarke, who tried to gather her thoughts. “The last thing I remember is getting home after my date with Finn. We went to a movie and had dinner afterwards. Where is he? Why is he not here? And what was  _ she  _ doing here?”

The silence in the room following Clarke's statement was suffocating. Octavia and Raven shared a look. Both knowing there was something seriously wrong.

“Are you sure that's the last thing you remember?” Abby asked.

“Yes. Why? Is something wrong? Why are you all looking at me like that?” The looks everyone was throwing at her were starting to scare her. “Guys?”

“Clarke...Finn and you...you guys broke up 6 years ago. You've been in a relationship with Lexa for the past 4 years. The both of you moved in together after finishing college.” Raven informed her.

“No. No, you're lying. I'd never want to be with  _ her _ .  _ She  _ is the reason my dad isn't here anymore.” Clarke refused to say Lexa's name. Everytime she talked about her it felt like she had poison in her mouth. “And Finn and I are in love with each other! There's no reason for us to break up!” The things Raven was telling her made no sense at all. Her head was starting to hurt just thinking about it all. Her breathing was becoming heavier.

“Clarke. Clarke, you need to calm down. You're hyperventilating. If you don't calm down you'll have a panic attack. Just breathe with me” Abby was trying to sooth her daughter. Once she succeeded she started questioning her again. “Are you sure that's the last you remember?”

Clarke nodded.

Pinching the bridge of her nose Abby sighed. “Clarke what you just said happened 7 years ago. Your father died 7 years ago.”

_ No. How is that even possible?  _ The pain in her head was becoming unbearable. She was becoming dizzy.

“It seems you have a case of retrograde amnesia. I think it is best to give you some space and let you rest. I'd like for you to stay here for a few days so we can keep running tests and see if your memory returns. Raven. Octavia. It would be best if you left now.” Abby instructed.

“What?! No, we want to stay with Clarke! We have to fill her in on what she can't remember!” Octavia was starting to protest, only calming down once Raven took her hand and gestured towards Clarke who was in obvious pain.

“It's ok. We'll come back later.”

Abby followed them out of the room. “I hate to say this, but it's best if you don't come back today. And if you do come visit her again, only one person at a time can go in. And only for a short amount of time.”

“But…!”

“No ‘but’. These are doctor's orders. Clarke needs rest. Too many people will just cause her stress. As will bombarding her with information of everything that happened these past 7 years. Too much stress could worsen her condition. Do you want that?”

“...no…” the girls mumbled.

“Good. So, I ask of you to leave now. I have to talk to some of my colleagues about further examining Clarke. I also have to look after my other patients. I trust you both to do what is best for her.” Giving them one last stern glance, Abby turned and walked away.

“I don't like this. I don't like this at all.” Raven said as they slowly walked towards the exit.

“Me neither. We should be with Clarke. She needs us now more than ever.” Octavia replied.

“That's not what I mean. Of course I'd prefer to stay with her but I'm talking about Abby.”

“What about her?”

Leaning in Raven whispered into her ear, so no one else could hear. “I'm talking about that glint she had in her eye after Clarke kicked Lexa out. It intensified when she realized Clarke lost her memory. She's up to something. And I don't what it is but it can't be good.”

“Are you sure?”

“Have I ever been wrong? Let's go check on Lexa first. Anya texted me earlier that she took her home. This whole situation is taking quite the toll on her.” With that they left the hospital and drove to the apartment Lexa and Clarke lived in together.


	3. Chapter 3

“Lexa!” Anya called, running out of the hospital room after her sister. “Lexa wait up.”

Once she reached the waiting section again, Lexa sat down. Putting her head in her hands, she sighed. “What’s going on? I thought we moved past this? I just don't understand….”

Anya sat down next to the distraught girl putting her arm around her shoulder and rubbing her back. “Hey, it's ok. We'll find out what's going on. I'm sure it's nothing serious.”

_ “Nothing serious?”  _ Lexa scoffed. “You saw the way she looked at me, she hates me! And I don't know what to do! I don't know why she's bringing up Jake's death again! We talked about it. I told her what happened that day and she understood, but now...I just don't know what to do.”

Her breathing was coming faster and faster, she could feel the beginning of a panic attack but she couldn't stop it. It was too much. This was all too much for her.

Seeing the state the brunette was in, Anya took one of her hands in her free one and started calming her. “Lexa, you need to breathe. Just concentrate on my voice and count with me, okay?” Receiving a nod they started counting. “Good. Now, breathe in 1...2...and out 3...4...in 5...6...out 7...8…” They continued this till they reached 100 and Lexa's breathing calmed down again.

The blonde hated seeing her younger sister this worked up and defeated. Not knowing what to do she shot her girlfriend a text saying she was taking her sister home and to inform them when they find something out.

“C'mon, let's get you home.”

“No. I have to stay here. I can't just leave, Clarke needs me.”

“Lex, I know this is hard for you but you have to go home. You need to rest. I'm sorry to tell you but you look like shit. Not even your suit is helping.” Anya said with a slight smirk, trying to distract the brunette from her thoughts.

“But...Clarke...”

“Will be fine here. Now come on. There's nothing you could do now anyway.”

Hesitantly, Lexa followed her older sister towards the exit. “Where'd you park?” the older girl asked.

“Well…you see, I may have kinda run here after hanging up on you” Lexa said sheepishly, while scratching the back of her neck.

“Unbelievable” Anya rolled her eyes. “C'mon, I'll drive you. We can pick up your car later. In the state you're in, I wouldn't have let you drive yourself anyway.”

The car ride back to Lexa and Clarke's apartment was quiet. Neither of the girls tried to start a conversation, both stuck in their own heads deep in thought. Lexa kept looking out of the window thinking of Clarke, while Anya chanced a look at her sister from time to time, worrying about her.

When they entered the apartment, Anya sat the younger girl down on the couch and started making a cup of tea for them both to help them calm down.

“Are you hungry?”

“No”

“Lexa, you have to eat something. When was the last time you ate?”

“I don't know...breakfast yesterday?”

“Breakfast? Lexa it's 12pm, you gotta eat. That's it. I'm making you a sandwich. Don't make me feed you too. You know how that's gonna end.” Anya said, sending a glare her sister's way as she walked back into the kitchen.

Lexa chuckled, remembering the last and so far only time her sister had to do this. It was back in college, Lexa took extra classes in hope of getting her degree faster. She did, but she also had a price to pay. Between classes, her job and studying Lexa forgot to take care of herself. If it weren't for Clarke, who forced her to sit down and relax, and Anya, who took it upon herself to force feed her sister by shoving food into her mouth every chance she got, her body would have shut down on her at some point. “Don't worry. I'm not interested in doing that again anytime soon.”

“Good” the blonde said, sitting down next to her and shoving one sandwich in Lexa's hands as she started to eat her own.

“Honestly though, how are you feeling regarding this whole mess?”

Lexa sighed again. She seemed to be doing that a lot today. “I don't know. My head is still spinning with everything that happened. I was so scared when you called me. I don't want to lose her. I just can't. And when she woke up...the way she looked at me...it was just like back then and that hurts more than I can explain.”

They continued eating in silence. When both of their lunches were gone, Anya picked up their dishes and went to clean them before sitting down next to her sister again and turning on the TV to distract them both.

An hour later there was a knock on the door. “I'll get it” Anya said, already on her way to open it. When the door was opened, she was greeted with the faces of Octavia and Raven. “Hey. You're here already? I didn't expect you this soon.” she said, giving her girlfriend a kiss on the cheek in greeting.

They all sat together in the living room. Octavia in an armchair and Raven sat down on the loveseat on which Anya joined her. Lexa had taken a seat on the couch earlier. “Anything new?” Lexa said, looking from one newcomer to the other.

“Yes…” It was obvious neither Octavia nor Raven knew how to put into words what they found out at the hospital. “It seems Clarke's head injury is more severe than we expected” the Latina offered.

“What? What do you mean? She seemed fine!” Lexa was starting to panic again.

“Relax Lexa. What she means is that...well...Clarke has amnesia. She can't remember the last seven years of her life.”

“How is that possible?”

“On our way here I looked it up. The hit she took to her head combined with the trauma of the crash could've triggered it” the youngest of the group explained.

“And what does she remember?”

Raven and Octavia looked at each other uncomfortably. Knowing that what they had to say next would deliver another blow to Lexa. Coming to a decision through their silent conversation, Raven was the chosen one to say it.

“Lexa, I don't know how to best tell you this but...the last thing Clarke remembers is returning home after a date with Finn, a few months after Jake died...she remembers hating and blaming you for his death. She doesn't know her and Finn broke up nor the reason for it. She doesn't know the things both of you have been through together.”

Lexa couldn't believe what she was hearing. Clarke couldn't remember what Finn did to her. Clarke forgot they are in love with each other. Clarke is back to hating her.  _ Clarke hates me. She hates me. _

“I have to go see her” Lexa exclaimed, already jumping off of her seat, grabbing her jacket and heading towards the door.

“Lexa wait!”

The girl in question stopped with her hand already on the doorknob, about to open it. “What?!”

“There's something else you should know.” She retook her seat. “I think Abby is up to something. I don't like the way she reacted and handled the situation” the Latina added.

“What do you mean?” questioned Anya this time.

“She seemed to be enjoying Clarke's reaction towards Lexa a bit too much in my opinion. That also got worse when Clarke said she only remembers being in a relationship with Finn and being in love with him.” At this Lexa flinched, closing her eyes. “Abby also said we're only allowed to visit Clarke one person at a time and not for long. We're also not allowed to talk to her about the last seven years”

“What! She can't do that!” Lexa exploded.

“She claims it's because of the stress all of this is putting on her. That she needs rest otherwise her condition might get worse, but I'm calling bullshit. I'm not sure what, but I know she's up to something.”

“Well then. As much as I hate this but I think it's best if we all try to relax for the rest of the day and tomorrow morning we'll go visit Clarke again” Anya suggested.

“You can all stay if you want” Lexa said, though it was clear to everyone that this was her way of asking them to stay with her.  _ Please don't leave me alone. I need you. _

Octavia stood up taking out her phone. “Sure. I'll just call Lincoln, explain everything to him and tell him I'm staying here. After that how about take out for dinner. Chinese anyone?” After receiving nods from the other three, she stepped outside on the balcony to call her boyfriend.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is basically a flashback to the night Jake died. We also learn a bit more about Lexa's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is getting released a day early cuz it's my birthday tomorrow and on Sunday is Mother's day so I won't have time to post it later.  
> I hope you like this one as much as me.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Character death

 After finishing dinner and watching Netflix for a while, the four girls retired for the night. Octavia occupying the couch and Anya and Raven having taken the guest room. Laying down in her and Clarke's bed, Lexa took the pillow the blonde usually slept on and cuddled it close to her body. Inhaling the scent that always managed to calm her down, she closed her eyes waiting for sleep to overtake her. _Goodnight Clarke. I love you._ Was her last thought before the brunette drifted off into dreamland.

 

**_Flashback_ **

_An eighteen year old Lexa was sitting in her car after soccer practice with her head leaning on the steering wheel, after trying to get her car started several times._ Of course you had to break down when it's pouring buckets and no one at home has time to pick me up _she thought._ _Sacrificing herself to her fate of getting soaked while walking home, Lexa started gathering her things._

_When she was about to open her door there was a knock on the window. Next to her car stood Jake Griffin holding an umbrella over his head._

“Coach Griffin. What you are still doing here?”

“Well, I just finished locking up the gym and saw your car was the only one left in the lot. Something wrong with it?”

“I can't get it started” _Lexa said looking at the car annoyed._

“Can you open it for me? I want to take a look.” _her coach said, already walking to the hood. After opening it she walked next to the man, who was already inspecting the engine._ “Here hold this” _he said, pushing his umbrella into her hand._

 _When he was done, Jake closed the hood again and turned to the captain of his team._ “It looks like your fan belt broke that's why it isn't starting. I suggest you have someone tow it to a workshop tomorrow. C'mon let's take you home” _At her perplexed look her paused._ “What you didn't expect me to let you walk home in this weather, did you?”

_Lexa shrugged while smiling sheepishly._

“Seriously? For what kind of monster do take me?” _he chuckled shaking his head._ “After all I need you to kick Azgeda's ass in the game next week. Can't have you catching a cold now, can we?” _He winked at her, starting to walk over to his own car._

“Thank you Mr. Griffin. You didn't have to do this” _Lexa said after they had been driving for a few minutes._

“It's no problem at all. But how many times have I told to call me Jake? Mr. Griffin was my father”

“Sorry, Mr. Griff-” _At his cough she corrected herself with a smile._ “Jake. It's a habit. Are you sure your wife won't mind you driving me home?”

“Abby will understand that I couldn't just let you walk. She'd want someone to do the same for our daughter. And if she doesn't, she'll just have to accept it”

_It was no secret that Dr. Griffin wasn't Lexa's biggest fan out there. It had to do with Lexa being part of an old tribe called Trikru. Lexa wasn't just any member of the tribe though. Her real mother, Becca, was a descendant of the tribe founder. Abby and her mother never got along ever since they met in kindergarten. Abby was convinced everything was made easier for Becca because of her heritage. She was jealous of her. What Abby didn't know though, was that Becca worked hard for everything she accomplished._

_Their rivalry hit its peak when they both started working at the same hospital. Abby as a surgeon and Becca in the lab trying to come up with new medicines._

_After Lexa's mother got killed in a bank robbery in front of her daughter when she was just 5 years old, it seemed like Abby transferred the hatred she had for Becca onto young Lexa. And that's where it stayed the last 13 years. Abby even tried to set up her own daughter Clarke against Lexa telling her lies, saying she was dangerous and to stay as far away from her as possible. Thankfully, Jake never agreed with his wife on that subject and always told his daughter that she has to get to know Lexa herself first before judging her._

_So far he was only mildly successful. While they could talk civilly when having to work together, Lexa and Clarke were far from being friends. Abby has influenced her to much for it. What Lexa wouldn't admit though, was that she always had a crush on the slightly younger blonde._

_After her mother's death, Lexa was put into the system, seeing as her father left before she was born. In the group home she lived in she met Anya. The girl was two years older than Lexa and didn't take any shit from anyone. Lexa admired her and started following around, wanting to be just like her. They've been inseparable ever since._

_Their caretaker Titus was against any form of love and so his main victims were Anya and Lexa. The two of them always stood up for each other but parts of his preaching stuck with them. They became closed off to anyone who wasn't immediate family._

_Luckily for Lexa a year and a half after her mother's death her uncle Gustus, who spent the last three years overseas, came back and took her in as soon as he found out of her situation. Lexa refused to leave Anya behind though, even if the older girl told her to leave this hellhole they're living in. After talking it over with his wife Indra, Gustus told them that they are both being adopted into his family and that they'd have a new brother, his own son Lincoln._

_Adjusting to their new life in their new family went smoother than they expected. Indra, Gustus and even little Lincoln were careful not to overwhelm the girls._

“What is your address again?” _Jake asked pulling Lexa out of her thoughts._

_Before Lexa could answer though they heard the loud honking of a truck coming their way. The truck kept on sliding from one side of the street to the other almost falling over in the process._

_Both Jake and Lexa could only stare at the truck with wide eyes unable to dodge it with their own car._

_The last thing Lexa registered was Jake putting his arm in front of her protectively and hearing a loud crash before everything went black._

_._

_._

_._

“Lexa….hear….up...Lexa”

 _Upon hearing something in the distance,  Lexa tried to open her eyes._ “Urgh” _she groaned closing them again. Everything in her body hurt. Fighting against the pain she forced her open again._

“That's right. Open those pretty green eyes of yours.”

_Turning her head to the sound Lexa saw Jake leaning towards her with both of his arms outstretched. His face and arms were covered in scratches. Taking in her surroundings more, Lexa noticed a metal bar sticking out of his left side._

“JAKE!” _she said, trying to sit up but the pain in her stomach stopped her from doing so. Looking down she noticed Jake pushing down on a shard of glass embedded in her stomach._

“Hey, it's ok. Everything is gonna be ok. I can already hear the sirens from the ambulance coming our way.” _Jake tried to calm her down. His voice sounded way too weak in her opinion, like it was taking all of his strength to talk to her_

_True to his word Lexa could hear the sirens nearing and she was starting to see the red and blue flashlights coming closer._

“Jake...your side…” _It was hard for her to breathe. It felt like her rib cage was was working against her._

“I'm fine. Don't worry about me.” _By now his voice was barely a whisper. Blood kept on streaming out of his wound around the metal pole. His face was turning an ashen color._

_Suddenly the door beside her was opened. Somehow it was left undamaged from the crash, which couldn't be said about the rest of the car._

“Hey, we are here to get you both out of here. Don't worry you're safe now” _the paramedic next to her said, while some of his colleagues were cutting open the door on Jake's side._

 _When the door on the other side was open they started looking over their wounds._ “It seems like we can cut the girl out pretty easily but we'll have to be careful with him” _one of the paramedics said._

“Sir, you can stop pushing now, we've got her.” _Jake let up on his pushing and let the medics take over._

“This is a lot of blood he's losing. Looks like his splenic got hit” _one of them said, while they started sawing through the metal pole to be able to free him._

_Suddenly the pole jerked and Jake screamed out in pain. Even more blood was coming out of his wound now, some even started tripping down from his mouth._

“Shit. We need to get him outta here or we're losing him. Get the girl outta here!”

“We're on it”

 _Lexa couldn't look away from all of the blood coming out of Jake. She was frozen in shock. His face was looking even paler now._ “Jake…” _she breathed._

“C'mon girl. Out with you” _the paramedic started pulling her out of the car but she couldn't just leave him like that._

“No! Jake!”

“It's ok Lexa...it's ok...you...need to...get out...of...here…..Just...promise me….you'll...take care of….Clarke…..” _Jake always knew the girl next to him had feelings for his daughter even if she never acted on them before._

_His eyes were starting to drop as he watched Lexa being pulled out of the car wreck while trying to reach for him._

_Once they pulled her out of the car, Lexa was put on a stretcher and rolled towards an ambulance. Looking at the car you could tell it turned over multiple times before hitting a streetlamp._

_The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was one of the paramedics, trying to save Jake, backing away from the wreck and shaking his head._ “...no…” _she said and everything turned black once again._

**_End flashback_ **

 

Lexa woke up with a jolt. It had been a long time since she relived that night. Grabbing her phone to check the time it read 3:30 am. _There's no way I'll be able to get back to sleep after that dream might as well get up._

She got dressed and walked towards the kitchen making herself a coffee as quietly as possible so she wouldn't wake up the other occupants in the apartment. She sat down on the kitchen counter when her memories took over again.

 

**_Flashback_ **

_Lexa was laying in an unfamiliar bed when she woke up. The sun was already out and burning in her eyes. Trying to sit up she gasped in pain clutching at her stomach._

“Easy there, Lexa. You don't want to pull any stitches do you?” _Hearing the sound of her mother's voice, she turned in her direction._

“How are you feeling, darling?”

“Like I've been hit by a truck” _Only when she said it did she remember how accurate that sentence was. The memory of the accident came rushing to her. Widening her eyes she looked at Indra._ “Mom, where is Jake? How is he?”

 _Her mother looked at her with sad eyes. Taking her hand in between hers, she told her what happened._ “Lexa...I need you to stay calm when I tell you this.” _The young girl didn't like the sound of this._ “Jake saved you life. Without him you would have most likely bled to death. You had a piece of glass stuck in your stomach when they brought you here. You also have two broken ribs, a twisted knee and a concussion. You'll have to stay here for a few days.”

“But what about Jake?”

 _At that moment, Dr. Griffin herself stormed into the room._ “You murderer!!”

_Surprised by the sudden entrance, neither Lexa nor Indra were able to say or do anything._

“This is all your fault! Because of you Jake is dead! You killed my husband!”

 _Tears were streaming down Lexa's face at hearing this._ “No. No, he can't be dead. He said everything would be ok.” _Lexa kept mumbling to herself. It was like she was in a trance of shock._

_Behind Abby Lexa's father Gustus and her siblings Anya and Lincoln entered the room. Taking one look at the girl on the bed both Gustus and Lincoln each grabbed one of Abby's arms and started pulling her out of the room._

_Her screams of_ “Murderer. You killed my husband.” _could still be heard from down the hall._

“Lexa? Lexa look at me. Anya go, get a doctor your sister is going into shock!” _Indra ordered_ __ _slighy panicked._

_Two weeks later, Lexa was going back to school for the first time since the accident. Though after entering her first class of the morning, it made her wish she stayed at home._

_When she walked into her first class she was greeted by a slap to the cheek by none other than Clarke Griffin herself._

“You murderer! How dare you come here acting like nothing happened?!”

_Looking into the blue eyes of the girl in front of her Lexa felt her heart break even more. Her eyes were filled with anger and sadness, barely containing the tears in them. But most of all they were filled with pain over losing her father._

“I'm sorry” _Lexa breathed, barely audible._

“Save it” _Clarke told her before walking past her and heading towards the bathroom._

_What no one knew was that ever since finding out that Jake died in the accident while saving her, Lexa kept blaming herself for it. Wishing it would've been her instead of him._

**_End flashback_ **

  
_I have to get out of here._ Lexa got up and after putting on her jacket left the apartment. Jogging always helped clear her head and that is exactly what she needed at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation:  
> Trikru = Woods Clan  
> Azgeda = Ice Clan (soccer team of the rival school of Polis High)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly not too happy with this chapter but I hope y'all enjoy it

Coming back from her jogging trip, Lexa looked at her watch realizing it was already 7 am, meaning she spent the last two hours running. Upon entering her apartment Lexa saw her sister in the kitchen making breakfast.

Turning to look at the brunette, Anya waved with the spatula in her hand. “Hey, where were you?”

“Running” came Lexa's short answer.

Raising a brow at the attitude Anya asked “You ok?”

“Yeah, just didn't sleep much”

“When did you get up?”

Looking down at her hands, trying to avoid eye contact, Lexa mumbled “3:30”

Anya dropped the spatula she was holding. “3:30?! Please tell me you haven't been out this whole time!”

“Noooooo...just for the last two hours” Lexa confessed, trying to move away from the angry blonde.

“Lexa!”

“Shh! Do you want to wake up the others?!” Lexa whisper-yelled.

“Too late for that” came the Latina's grumbling voice.

“Even without Anya's shouting, the smell of bacon would've woken us up eventually.” the youngest of the group added.

Still glaring at Lexa, Anya pointed towards the kitchen table. “Breakfast is ready. Take a seat.” When their breakfast consisting of pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon was served, they dug in.

“Lincoln wants to know what time we're heading to the hospital, he wants to join us” Octavia said after swallowing the bite in her mouth.

“Hoth abo we leeth aron lonsh” Raven said  with her mouth stuffed full, spitting half-chewed food everywhere.

Pulling a face, Lexa wiped her cheek where a piece of pancake landed. “Disgusting. Could you try talking when you're mouth isn't full? That way we'd actually be able to understand you.”

“She wants to leave around lunch” Anya stated, not even looking up from her plate.

Both Lexa and Octavia looked at the older girl blankly.

“You seriously understood that?”

“The two of you obviously spend way too much time together.”

The dirty blonde just shrugged and continued eating.

When they were done eating, Lexa and Octavia volunteered to do the dishes before they all took showers respectively in the main and guest bathroom. Once they were all dressed for the day they headed out to visit Clarke.

Arriving at the hospital, they were met by Lincoln, who was waiting for them at the main entrance. Together, the five of them headed towards the room the youngest Griffin was staying in.

Outside of the room, they were approached by a nurse. “Hello. I'm guessing you're here to visit Miss Griffin? Well, here are the rules for your visitation-”

“Rules?! You gotta be kidding me!” Lexa was outraged. All she wanted to do was visit her girlfriend and see how she was doing.

“I kid you not” the nurse said. “These orders are from Dr. Griffin herself. Each of you will get to visit Miss Griffin separately. You get to spend 30 minutes with her before you'll be asked to leave. Dr. Griffin will be staying inside the room with each of you to ensure her daughter's well being and that none of you is putting too much stress on her. Understood? Good. Now, which one of you is Miss Woods?”

“That would be me” Lexa said, stepping forward, wondering what else Abby had up her sleeve.

“Miss Woods, I'll have to kindly ask you to leave. Your presence is not welcome.”

“What?!” All five of them couldn't believe what they were hearing. Lexa wasn't allowed to see her own girlfriend? That's a new low, even for the older Griffin woman.

“Abby might be the chief surgeon of the hospital, but she can't go through with this! My mom used to be the head of the science department!” By now Lexa was screaming.

“Miss Woods, please quieten down. Dr. Griffin has nothing to do with you not being allowed to enter.”

“Who else would've come up with some shit like this?”

“Miss Griffin herself asked for you to be kept out of her room.”

Lexa felt her heart stop beating for a moment, before shattering all over again. _Clarke asked for me to stay away from her?_ She felt like her chest was caving in, every breath hurt.

Lincoln stepped forward and put a hand on his little sister's shoulder. “It's ok Lex, we'll sort this out.”

“Yeah, we'll get Clarke to let you in.” Octavia tried reassuring her.

“No” This reply shocked the brunette’s friends. Was Lexa really giving up? “What's most important right now is Clarke getting better. If she needs me to stay away from her so she can heal, so be it. All I care about is her wellbeing. It doesn't matter how it effects me.” She turned towards her companions with a smile on her face, though everyone could tell it's fake. Clarke may have been the best, sometimes even the only one, at reading Lexa's emotions, but not even her near perfect mask was able to hide the pain she was feeling at the moment.

“Lexa…”

“It's ok, really. I'll just walk back to Grounder's and pick up my car before it gets towed off. You can update me on her later tonight.” With that she walked off before anyone could try to stop her.

“With that taken care of, who wants to go first?” The nurse asked with a smile, acting as if nothing happened at all.

The remaining four kept looking after their leaving friend, feeling for her. When they could no longer see Lexa, they turned towards each other wondering what they should do.

“Octavia should go first. She's known Clarke the longest” Raven suggested.

After looking towards the exit again, Octavia nodded and entered the room her lifelong friend was laying in.

“Hey” she greeted. “How are you doing?”

“Octavia, hey. I'm doing a lot better than yesterday” Clarke was smiling widely at seeing her friend again.

Octavia shot a glance at the blonde's mother, who was sitting in the corner of the room, keeping a stern look on her. “Raven, Anya and Lincoln are here, too. They'll come in later, seeing as we're only allowed to visit you one at a time. Lexa was here too, but she left after being told you didn't want to see her.”

“Damn right, I don't. I hate _her_ . _She_ and her whole family could move to the end of the universe and still there wouldn't be enough distance between us. Why'd you even bring them here?” The younger blonde was starting to feel her anger rise again just at the mention of _her_ being anywhere close to her.

“Clarke, I know you don't remember the last seven years, but you have to trust me when I tell you that you're making a mistake here. I've never seen anyone love another person as much as Lexa loves you. And you love her just as much”

“No. No, there's no way in hell I could ever love a murderer like _her_. You're lying.”

The younger girl sighed. “What reason would I have to lie to you, Clarke?”

“I don't know! They must have brainwashed you! Why else would you keep dating her brother after _she_ killed my father?!”

“I think this is enough” the older blonde said, getting up and walking closer to her daughter's bed. “I suggest you leave now.”

“No! Clarke, please, you have to remember.”

“I remember enough. My mom filled me in on what's happened in the last few years.”

Dread. That was the only emotion the other girl felt at this moment. “I thought we shouldn't talk with Clarke about the last seven years.” If Abby _filled her in_ that couldn't be good she could only imagine the lies she has told her daughter.

“She asked and I told her what she wanted to know. Of course, I made sure not to overwhelm her with information” Abby said with the hint of a smirk. “Now leave, unless you want me to call security.” Glaring at the chief surgeon, Octavia left the room with Abby following her.

Outside the others looked up surprised at seeing their friend coming out so soon. “What happened?”

“Abby happened!” the young girl snapped. “I don't know what she's told Clarke but she's obviously feeding her lies!”

The doctor shook her head. “I'm not ‘feeding her lies’. All I did was answer Clarke's questions. I'm glad she finally opened her eyes and sees behind the mask your _friend_ is wearing. What I don't like is how much stress you all are putting on my daughter everytime you come here. That's why I have decided to forbid you from visiting her again as long as she's staying here.”

“You can't do that!” Raven protested.

“I just did. Seeing as I am her mother and also her doctor I get to decide who can see her or not. Security!” She called and three men in suits walked up to the group. “Please see to it that these four find the exit and make sure none of them disturbs my daughter again.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another flashback chapter this time a happy memory between Clarke and Lexa

It's been two days since Lexa was told Clarke didn't want her anywhere near her, telling the hospital staff to not let her into her room.

After leaving the hospital, Lexa went to get her car at Grounder's. Once there, she got into her car and drove off. She drove and drove without any destination in mind. When the sun started to set, she decided to drive to her birth mother's cabin in the woods.

It was a beautiful two story cabin with a large porch. On the first floor, there was a big living room with a fireplace, a flat screen TV, two armchairs, a loveseat and a three seater. One wall was lined with bookshelves, the other was hung with pictures of Lexa as a little kid together with Becca but also with pictures of Lexa with her friends and new family as she got older. In the center was a drawing of the lake Clarke made the first time she came to the cabin. The third wall was completely made up with floor to ceiling windows looking out onto the lake the cabin was built next to. Connected to the living room was the kitchen, only separated by a kitchen counter with three seats on each side. Also on the first floor was a guest bedroom and a guest bathroom.

On the second floor, was the master bedroom, with its own balcony, an ensuite bathroom and a king sized bed. The room used to belong to Lexa's mother but Lexa took it as her own when she started coming here with Clarke. Lexa's own room next to it got redecorated into another guest room. A second bathroom was on the second floor too. Her mother's old office was turned into an atelier for Clarke.

The basement was practically one big entertainment room with a billiard table, a big screen with recliners and sofas in front of it, a foosball, a collection of different game consoles and games and a bar in the corner of the room.

Walking through the door, Lexa headed towards the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the shelf. Forgoing a glass, Lexa took a gulp straight out of the bottle. Taking the drink with her, she went outside towards the lake and took a seat at the table near the grill area.

 _What am I gonna do? What am I supposed to do? Clarke...she can't remember anything we've been through together in the last seven years. She doesn't remember being in love with me. I have to make her remember, but how? Even if I can convince Clarke to give me a chance and talk to me, I'm sure Abby will do anything in her power to get in between us, to keep us apart._ Lexa mused as she drank more from her bottle.

It was well into the night when Lexa retreated back into the house with the empty bottle in her hand. She discarded the bottle in the kitchen and walked up the stairs towards her bedroom. Upon entering the master bedroom, Lexa laid down on the bed and grabbed the picture standing on the bedside table. It was a photograph of her and Clarke, which they took on their first stay together at the cabin for Clarke's birthday. They were standing next to the lake, holding each other in their arms while the sun set behind them. Both had big smiles on their faces. For Lexa it will always be one of the happiest moments in her life. Lexa caressed the blonde's face in the picture before clutching it to her chest, remembering their first of many trips here.

 

**_Flashback_ **

“Why can't you just tell me where we're going Lex?” _the blonde girl sitting in the passenger seat asked impatiently._

“Because it's supposed to be a surprise” _the brunette answered cheekily._

 _Clarke started pouting._ “You know I hate surprises…” _Looking out the window, she noticed they took a turn into the forest._ “You're not gonna kill me and leave my body in the woods for the wolves to feast on, are you?”

 _Lexa started laughing heartily, hearing her girlfriend's slightly panicked voice as she said this._ “You really think I would have told everyone where we're going if I planned on murdering you?”

 _Clarke blushed, looking away. As she looked out the window Clarke saw a clearing in the forest with a lake and a beautiful cabin next to it._ “Wow”

“Happy birthday, Clarke” _Lexa said with smile on her face at her girlfriend's reaction._

“Happy-?” _Clarke turned to look at the brunette, surprise written all over her face._ “This is my surprise?! Oh my God, Lexa! This is amazing!”

 _Lexa loved seeing the blonde this excited. She parked the car in front of the house._ “It belonged to my mother. We used to come here when she was still alive. When I turned 18, I inherited it along with the rest of her belongings. It's become kind of like my secret place. You're actually the first person I've ever taken here. Not even Anya or the rest of my family know of this place. It's where I go when things become too much and I just need to get away.”

 _Clarke looked at her girlfriend of six months adoringly. Lexa rarely talked about her birth mother. She knew how much it meant for Lexa to bring her here and show her this place._ “Thank you. This is the best birthday present you could've given to me.”

“Who says this was all there is to the surprise?” _Lexa said with a grin._

 _They got out of the car and after Lexa grabbed all of their luggage, refusing to let Clarke carry any, they walked into the cabin. Lexa gave Clarke a tour of the house, before leaving their bags in the master bedroom._ “This used to be my mom's room, but I was thinking we could use it now. C'mon I want to show you the next part of your gift.” _Lexa led her towards the end of the hall._ “Mom used this room as her office, but I always thought the view the windows offered was too good to waste it on an office, so I thought you could use it better.” _Lexa said, opening the door._

 _Clarke gasped at what she saw. Inside the room was an easel in front of floor to ceiling windows looking out onto the lake, dozens of different sized canvases and on the back wall there was a little shelf holding all different kinds of colors and brushes._ “Lexa...this...this is incredible. It's beautiful. But that's too much, I can't accept this.”

“It's a gift, you can't refuse it”

 _The blonde gaped at her._ “I don't even know what to say”

“A ‘thank you’ would suffice” _Lexa told her with a smile, wrapping her arms around her and giving her a gentle kiss._

“Thank you” _Clarke whispered with a smile of her own, deepening the kiss._

 _Later that night a paint covered Clarke joined Lexa at a candle lit dinner table near the lake. During the time Clarke spend painting the view from her new atelier because_ “It's too beautiful to not paint it” _Lexa prepared her favorite dish and dressed up in a black button down shirt and dark grey pants. She took Clarke into her arms and snapped a picture of them with her phone._

“I feel so underdressed. You should've given me a heads up, so I could have take a shower and dressed up too”

“Nonsense. You're perfect the way you are, no matter what you look like. That's why I love you” _Lexa replied with a loving smile._

 _Clarke's eyes widened._ “You're in love with me?”

“Ever since I first laid my eyes on you back in middle school.” _Lexa put Clarke's hand in hers, interlacing their fingers._

 _The blonde was at a loss of words. Lexa has been in love with her for ten years? How come she never noticed before?_ My mom, that's why.

 _Clarke stepped closer, still holding Lexa's hand._ “I love you too” _she whispered, leaning in to kiss the brunette passionately. The kiss grew more and more heated as their hands started to wander and Clarke started to grind against Lexa's thigh. Needless to say, the dinner was left forgotten and they spent the rest of the night showing each other how in love they are._

**_End flashback_ **

 

That's how Lexa spent the rest of her weekend at the cabin; reminiscing about her time together with Clarke. By Sunday morning she came to the conclusion of what she had to do. _If Clarke never regains her memory I'll just have to make sure she falls in love with me again. I just need to find out how I managed to do that the first time around._ With this new determination she hit the road on her way home.

Two hours later she reached her apartment where a furious Anya was already waiting for her. “Where the hell have you been? Why didn't you answer your phone?!”

“My phone was turned off. I went to the cabin. I had a lot of thinking to do” Lexa said. After turning on her phone again she saw that she had in fact dozens of missed calls and messages from her family and friends asking where she is and what happened. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you guys, I just had to clear my head.”

“Did it help?” It seemed Lexa had a lot of making up to do. Her sister was really worried and she couldn't even begin to imagine how the others were feeling.

“Yes”

“And?” Anya could see the new found resolve in her younger sister's eyes and felt hope starting to blossom inside of her chest. Maybe things would finally start to look up now.

“If Clarke can't remember being in love with me, I'll just make her fall in love with me again.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Pride month guys

It's been five days since Clarke was released from the hospital. She hasn't seen or heard from either Octavia nor Raven since they last visited her a over week ago. Her mother told her they didn't care enough about her and didn't want to see her anymore. It hurt her deeply knowing her best friends have been manipulated this much by the Woods family.

 _Why can't_ she _just stay out of my life. Hasn't_ she _done enough to hurt me?_ the young blonde thought bitterly.

She was sitting on her bed in her bedroom at her parents house. Even though she got cleared by the doctors at the hospital, her mother insisted on more bedrest. Seeing as she refused to go back to the apartment she supposedly shared with _Lexa_ , Clarke went to live with her mom for the time being.

A knock at her door pulled her out of her thoughts. “Come in” the blonde called.

“Hey, Honey. How are you doing today?” Abby asked as she came into the room and sat next to her daughter, putting a hand on her leg.

“I'm ok, just….kinda lonely I guess” the young sighed.

The older women smiled. “I have good news for you then. I'm taking you off of bedrest, but you still have to take it easy. So how about we take a little stroll through the park and afterwards I have a surprise for you.”

The younger girl sprung up in excitement. “Really? Just let me take a shower and we can go” she said, already on her way to the bathroom.

“Easy there, Clarke” her mother laughed, going back downstairs to make sure everything was set for the surprise later. “Hello?...Yes, we'll be at Dropship Cafe later. See you there.”

An hour later the two blondes were on their way to the park in the center of Polis. The park was made up of greenfields surrounding a lake and small forest taking in about a third of the park. A lot of people went there to spent time with their family and friends, either to picnic, have a BBQ, play soccer or football, to jog or just lay in the grass enjoying the sun.

“It feels so good being able to walk around and enjoy the weather again” the younger of the two said, tilting her face up to absorb as much of the sun rays as possible.

“I'm glad you're enjoying yourself” Abby said with a smile. “I know how much you hate being cooped up inside for this long. Even as a kid, you always begged me to let you play outside whenever you got sick, even if you were running a fever.”

Clarke laughed. “Yes, I remember. Whenever you were at work, Dad always took me out to play chess with me or at least letting me draw in the sun.” The smile on her face turned nostalgic and sad. The memory of her father, no matter how happy it might be, hurt, knowing she won't ever get the chance to spend time with him like that again.

“I know for you it feels like your father passed away just recently and the wounds are freshly opened up, but believe me when I say, the more you talk about him, the better it gets.”

“I just miss him so much. I wish he was still alive. If only it weren't for _her_ he would still be with us.” Tears were gathering in blue eyes, threatening to fall down her cheeks.

Abby wrapped her arm around the crying girls shoulders. “I know. I warned him to stay away from her but he didn't listen. Wherever that girl goes trouble follows. She's just like her mother in that aspect.” The glare on the older women's face could set ice on fire.

They kept on walking around the park until they reached an ice cream stand. Both of them got one scoop of strawberry and vanilla each, before taking a seat on a nearby bench at the lake and eating their ice cream.

“Remember the picnics we used to have here? Jake and you always made bets who could eat the most of the pie we brought as dessert” Abby chuckled, remembering the fights they used to have over it.

The younger blonde laughed. “Yeah and you always stole the last piece of it to make us shut up, even if your stomach was already hurting from the amount of food you ate.”

“It became even worse after Raven and Octavia joined us.”

Clarke's laughter suddenly died at the mention of her friends. She looked down at her now empty ice cream cup and sighed. “I just wish they wouldn't have let themselves get manipulated like that. I miss them.”

The older blonde looked at her daughter sympathetically. “I know you do. I'm sorry it had to come to this.” Looking at her watch she stood up. “Come, it's time for your surprise” Abby said with a smile.

After throwing their empty cups into a trash can, the two women completed their track through the park at a leisure pace. “You want to grab a cup of coffee at Dropship? I'll show you your surprise there” Abby said, already walking in the direction of said cafe.

“Sure.”

When they got to the cafe they took a seat at a table in the outside area. Abby ordered a cup of black coffee while Clarke got a cup of green tea with a hint of lemon, surprising herself and her mother when she did so.

“Since when do you drink tea? Especially green tea, you've always hated it” Abby asked, giving her daughter a perplexed look.

“I….I don't know. I can't remember” Clarke answered, wondering if the reason for it had something to do with the seven years she can no longer remember.

Abby hummed while looking at the younger woman. Just as the waitress returned with their order, Abby spotted someone walking up to them over Clarke's shoulder. With a smile, she said “It seems your surprise arrived just on time. Turn around.”

The blonde looked at her mother curiously before doing as she was told. When she saw who was behind her she stood up with a gasp, a happy smile forming on her face. Only one word falling of her lips.

“Finn.”


	8. Chapter 8

"Finn!"

"Clarke, hey. You're looking good" he said, walking over to their table and greeting Clarke with a hug.

The young man had floppy brown hair, warm brown eyes and a charming smile. He was dressed in olive green khaki pants and a light grey shirt with a blue bomber jacket over it.

After releasing Clarke from the hug, he turned towards the girl's mother. "Thank you for calling me and arranging this meeting Abby."

"No need to thank me. I know how much my daughter has been missing you all these years and now that she's free again, I thought I'd surprise her. I just want my little girl to be happy" Abby said, smiling at the young pair.

"Thanks mom" the young girl said with a shy smile.

Finn turned to look at her. "Your mother told me what happened. I'm sorry you had to go through this. How are you feeling?"

"I'm doing better. The headaches stopped a few days ago and I can move my hand freely again without it hurting. It is weird though not being able to remember so much of your own past. I just wish Octavia and Raven were with me" Clarke looked down sadly. The fact that both of her so called best friends just went and turned their backs on her hurt deeply.

The brown haired boy took her hand, squeezing it. "I'm sorry about that. I can't imagine how this must feel for you. To think the Woods family has their claws this deep in them that they no longer care about your wellbeing….unbelievable. I'm just glad you managed to escape them." The smile he shot her way was blinding.

"Thank you. I'm just happy to at least have you back in my life again" the blonde said leaning her head on his shoulder. "Why did we ever break up?"

Both Abby and Finn tensed slightly without the younger girl noticing. They shot each other a look, before Abby decided to take over. "That was Lexa's fault. Ever since her siblings got together with Octavia and Raven, you guys started spending more time together. She was jealous of how happy you were with Finn. She wanted to destroy your relationship with him and take you as her own. Seeing as Raven and Octavia were already under the influence of the Woods, they helped her spread lies and make you doubt your relationship until you eventually called it off. When that happened, she never let you go anywhere alone. She kept on following you around until she finally managed to trap you in her world."

The young blonde sat there frozen. She couldn't believe what she just heard. Her friends helped  _ her _ in manipulating Clarke and literally taking her prisoner?  _ This can't be...but if it is true, I have to somehow free them of this predicament. _

"What lies did they tell?"

"They claimed that I had been cheating on you for the majority of our relationship."

"Did you?"

Finn took her hand in both of his and turned his whole body towards her. "Clarke, I would never  _ ever _ do anything to hurt you. You have to believe me" he said sincerely.

Despite feeling insecure and hurt by what she was told, Clarke decided to believe him. She gave him a small smile with trembling lips and just as she was about to reply, she was interrupted by a new waitress walking towards their table.

"Hello. My colleague had to leave because of a family emergency, I hope you don't mind me taking over for her" the young girl said with a smile still fixing her apron, a sign that she just started to wait tables. Taking out her pen and little notebook, she looked up. "Can I get you anything el- Clarke? Oh my god, it's been a while, how are you? I heard what happened."

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Clarke was confused, apparently this girl knew her well enough to get informed of her accident.

"Right, sorry, you can't remember me. I'm Harper, Monty's girlfriend, we went to college together."

"Monty has a girlfriend?! How did that happen? Don't tell me Jasper found someone too." Clarke asked surprised.

The waitress laughed. "He did actually. They got married last year. Her name is Maya, she used to be my roommate. It's actually thanks to her and Jasper that Monty and I got introduced. It's just funny you, Lexa and the others had the exact same reaction when I first met you all."

Clarke kept on gaping at her. She couldn't believe both of these quirky nerds managed to find a girl. "Wow. Send my greetings to them. Since when do you work here?" Clarke asked smiling at her new or rather old friend.

"To be honest, I'm the owner of Dropship. After getting my degree I opened up this place. I just love to waitress myself from time to time. So who's your company?" Harper asked, taking a look at the other customers sitting at the table for the first time.

"Oh, this is my mom, Dr. Abigail Griffin, chief surgeon of Ark Hospital and, as she told me a few days ago, soon to be head of the hospital" Clarke introduced pointing at her mother before turning to point at the boy next to her. "And this is Finn my-...uh"  _ What is he to me now? I remember him being my boyfriend but everyone keeps telling me we broke up several years ago. _

"Abby and Finn, huh?" Harper looked at each person in turn. "I'm sorry, but I have to go, works calling. It was nice talking to you, Clarke. I hope to see you again soon. Bye." With that the girl with light brown hair turned around abruptly and walked away.

When she got to her office at the back of the cafe, she took out her phone, knowing exactly who she had to call. When the person picked up the call, she didn't even wait for them to finish their greeting.

"Raven, we have a problem."

Back at the table, Abby had a dark look on her face ever since this Harper girl mentioned being friends with Lexa too. Putting enough money on the table to pay for their drinks, she grabbed her purse and stood up. "I think it's time we take our leave. You need to rest some more Clarke. Finn  thank you for taking the time to meet us here" she said, shaking his hand.

"It was my pleasure" he said. Turning towards Clarke, he pulled her into another hug. "It was nice seeing you again Clarke. I hope we can do this again soon."

"Me too, Finn. Have a nice day." With a slight blush on her face she waved at him and turned to follow her mother back home.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge shout out to my amazing friend Serenity Searcher for helping me figure out to use Harper to inform Lexa and co of what is happening and how to continue with chapter 10 love you bro
> 
> And another thank you to my beta 102000QP

* * *

Lexa, Anya, Octavia and Raven sat in the living room of Octavia and Lincoln's apartment, waiting for said man and Bellamy, Octavia's older brother, to come back from grocery and liquor shopping for their monthly get together later in the evening. Once a month the group of friends meets up to catch up with each other and have some fun.

"Guys, I'm really not in the mood to party" Lexa said with a forlorn look on her face. "It just doesn't feel right while Clarke can't be with us. She's still in the hospital for God's sake."

They had been hoping Clarke would at least try and contact Octavia and Raven when she gets released from the hospital since they were all banned from visiting her, but so far there has been nothing.

"I know Lex, but you can't just sit around and wait for news on her. That's why we all decided to go through with it anyway. Jasper, Maya, Monty, Harper and Echo will come over later too. Until then we'll prepare food and snacks as soon as Linc and Bell get here" Octavia explained.

"Lexa is right though, it sucks that she isn't here. Hell we don't even know how she's doing. I can't believe Abby is going through with this. I knew she was up to something" Raven grumbled.

Anya sighed. "I have a feeling there is more to her plan. She's just getting started."

Just then the door opened and Bellamy and Lincoln walked in, both loaded with shopping bags. "I'm there, who else" Lincoln called, heading into the kitchen to unpack.

The girls all stood up, Lexa practically being dragged along by Anya and Raven, to help prepare everything for when the others arrive.

While they were making snacks for their gathering Raven's phone started to ring. Looking at the caller ID, she answered the call, putting it on speaker as she continued helping the others. "Hey Harp. What's up? You still coming ov-"

"Raven, we have a problem" the girl on the line interrupted, sounding dead serious. "Clarke is here, but she's not alone."

"Wait, what? Where is Clarke? Where is here?" Raven practically shouted.

_Clarke got released? Why hasn't she contacted any of us?_ Lexa thought sadly. By now everyone stopped working on the food and listened intently to the conversation.

"Clarke's here at my cafe, Abby's with her but that's not all." Harper explained.

"What else is it?" Anya demanded impatiently.

Harper hesitated before answering. ".....Finn is with them."

"WHAT?!" Octavia shouted. "How could Abby let that fucker anywhere near her, after what he's done to her?!"

"Abby doesn't know everything he's done" Lincoln tried to reason.

"Are you seriously defending her right now?!" Bellamy exploded.

Lincoln held up his hands, showing he meant no harm. "Of course not. I just meant-"

"Are they still there Harper? You have to get her away from him!" Lexa asked, ignoring her friends' discussion.

"Yes- wait no, they're just leaving"

"Together?"

"No, Clarke and Abby are walking towards the parking lot, Finn is walking the opposite direction waving down a cab. Shit! Abby just caught me watching them, she doesn't look too pleased. I'm guessing she didn't like the fact that I know Clarke and that I'm friends with all of you" Harper reported. "I'm sorry guys, but I gotta go back to work. We'll talk about it more later." With that she hung up.

"God damn it!" Lexa hit the wall next to her. "I didn't think Abby would stoop so low as to set Clarke up with Finn again." She was seething, trying to win back Clarke just got a lot harder.

"To be honest, we should have expected her to pull something like this. We all knew she was planning something the moment she found out Clarke has Amnesia" Raven said, deep in thought.

Octavia shook her head. "But why didn't Clarke contact us after she got released? It just doesn't make sense."

"My guess is that Abby is behind that too. She must have told Clarke some kind of lie so she wouldn't reach out to us." Raven mused.

"What now?" Bellamy asked.

"Now we wait for the gang to get together and formulate a plan" Anya said.


	10. Chapter 10

Later that evening the whole gang got together, but instead of enjoying their time together like planned, they were discussing about the best way to get Clarke away from Abby.

"Man, this situation is really messed up" Jasper commented, sipping on his beer with his arm wrapped around his wife.

"So, what's the plan?" Harper asked, leaning back against Monty.

"Here's what we gonna do" Lexa started. "We will send someone over to Abby's house to talk with Clarke and find out what lies Abby's been telling her. After that we'll figure out how to prove to her what really happened these past seven years."

"I suggest sending Bellamy" Anya stated.

Bellamy's eyes widened at the mention of his name. "What? Why me? Wouldn't Raven and O be better for this job?"

Lexa chuckled humorlessly. "Anya's right. You're perfect for the job. Before Clarke and I got together you, the both of us didn't get along, remember? As far as Clarke knows that still hasn't changed. Abby wouldn't know either since they stopped talking before that."

"I see...I guess you're right." Bellamy sighed.

"Don't worry big bro, in case you fuck up, Rae and I will take over" Octavia smirked with a wink. Lincoln wrapped his arms tighter around her from behind.

Raven gave them all a thumbs up. "Yeah, don't worry we've got this. Clarke will be back to normal and with us again in no time."

"What about you Lex? What are you gonna do?" Maya asked quietly.

"I'll try and get into contact with Clarke myself. Maybe spending time with her will help her regain her memories. If not I will try my best to make her fall in love with me again. I don't know how I did it the first time around but I think just being myself is the best way to go about this" Lexa answered, pacing the living room. Stopping, she turned towards her friends. "We'll start tomorrow. The sooner we get Clarke out of there, the better."

"Lex. Echo. Could I talk to you guys for a moment?" Octavia asked, waving at them to follow her outside onto the balcony.

"What is it O?" Echo asked, lighting a cigarette. She normally didn't smoke but in situations like this, when she's overstressed it was some kind of outlet for her.

"I didn't want to discuss this in front of the others, since Clarke doesn't want everyone to know about _that day_ but can't you two do something to get him away from her? Lexa, you're a lawyer and Echo, you're a cop there HAS to be something you can do."

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Lexa sighed. "Sadly our hands are bound. As long as he doesn't _do_ anything we can't get him locked up. Plus, with Clarke not remembering what happened, it's our word against his."

"Lexa's right. If Clarke went for the restraining order, like you guys told her to back then, we'd be able to do something about it" Echo explained.

"Fuck."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, Bellamy drove to the Griffin mansion together with Echo. Parking his car in front of the house, they got out and walked towards the door. After knocking on it, they didn't have to wait long until Abby opened the door.

"Bellamy? What are you doing here?" She asked.

"Hey, Abby. Sorry to come here unannounced like this but I met Octavia yesterday and she told me about the accident. I was wondering if you could get the hospital to let me see Clarke" he lied, acting as if the whole ordeal was news to him.

Abby looked at him suspiciously with narrowed eyes. "You only found out yesterday?"

"I was on a work trip for the past three weeks. I went to New York as a guest lecturer in history at Columbia." _Well at least that wasn't a lie._

"Really? I'm glad for you. And who's the young lady next to you?" the chief surgeon asked.

A proud smile spread over his face as he turned towards Echo. "This is my fiancee, Echo Wentworth."

"Nice to meet you Dr. Griffin" Echo extended her hand in greeting with a smile.

"Likewise" Abby replied, looking at the hand, but refusing the handshake. "Come on in. Clarke got discharged from the hospital a week ago, she is staying with me for the time being. You can go upstairs, she's in her room." With that Abby let them enter. "I'll be up shortly with some drinks."

"Thank you."

With that they headed up the stairs. Still remembering which door leads to Clarke's bedroom from when they were younger, Bellamy led the way and knocked.

"Come in" the younger blonde called from inside the room.

Entering the room Bellamy let out a "Surprise" at which Clarke looked up from the book she was reading. A smile spread across her face as she walked over and hugged him.

"Bell! Oh my god, it's so good to see you!"

"You too, Clarke. Here let me re-introduce you to my fiancee, Echo."

"Hello Clarke. It's good to see you again" Echo said, giving the blonde a hug of her own.

"Oh...uh, you too, I guess?"

The three of them sat down - Clarke on her bed, Echo on the desk chair and Bellamy on the tabletop next to her - and started talking until Abby came in to bring them drinks. When Abby left Clarke turned to her longtime friend and asked the question that's been on her mind since they entered "Have you heard anything from Octavia? How is she? I haven't seen her since the day after I woke up."

"Yes. Octavia is actually the one who told about the car crash. She's really worried about you and so is Raven" Bellamy answered.

"Really?" Clarke was surprised. "How come they haven't come by yet?"

Echo and Bellamy shared a glance, having a silent conversation about what to say to her. Turning his attention back to Clarke, he decided it would be best to tell her the truth, well some of it at least. "Your mother prohibited everyone from visiting you at the hospital, claiming it would put too much stress on you. No one knew you've been discharged from the hospital, otherwise I'm sure they would have visited you by now."

"What? But my mom told me they didn't want to see me anymore because the Woods have them under their control" Clarke was confused. _Is he lying to me? But why would he? He hates_ Lexa _almost as much as I do._

Echo saw this as their chance to get to Clarke and took over. "You're almost right. Your mom did forbid them from visiting you at the hospital because she knew the Woods had too strong of an influence on them." Her fiance shot a bewildered look which she ignored. "That's another reason why we're here. We need your help."

"I knew it!" Clarke jumped out of her bed. "I knew they wouldn't abandon me like that. We have to save them! What can I do to help?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Echo's last name "Wentworth" is an old English word and means "winter enclosure"


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter again but it seemed right to make the cut where it is

"So you're saying you want Rea and I to accompany you and Echo to a meeting with Clarke and act as if we're being held 'captive' by Lincoln and Anya? Did I get that right?" Octavia asked, using her fingers to air quote. "Are you insane? Tricking her like this isn't any better than what Abby is doing to her."

After they left Clarke, Bellamy and Echo set up a meeting with Anya, Lexa, Lincoln Octavia and Raven to discuss what they learned and how to proceed from there on.

"I know it's not the nicest way to go about this, but what else are we supposed to do? We have to help Clarke and this is our only chance." Bellamy said.

Echo leaned forward in her seat. "Just think of it as if you guys are undercover agents trying to infiltrate an evil organization. In this case the organization is Abby. It is her you have to trick, she needs to believe that you guys want an out of this, otherwise she won't leave you alone with Clarke. When you're with Clarke you just have to be her friends, she really misses you guys."

"I still don't like this" Octavia crossed her arms.

Raven took a glance at Lexa before looking over at Anya who nodded at her. "Alright, I'm in."

"What?! You can't be ok with this!"

"I didn't say that I was O, but we really don't have any other option left. Who knows what else Abby has told her? This way, we can tell her the truth. At this point, Abby is the only one she's getting information from and you know what kind of things she'll tell her."

"Raven is right, we have to do this. And while you guys are going through with this, I'll go see Clarke at the gallery. Maya send me a message saying that her uncle told her how glad he is that Clarke will be back at work in two days." Lexa informed them, grabbing herself a drink from the fridge.

"What are you gonna do?" Lincoln asked the question everyone wanted to know.

Lexa smiled. "Well, seeing as it's her work place, she can't cause a scene when she sees me and Dante knows of our relationship, so I have no doubt he'll let me in. My plan is to wait for her in her office with roses and breakfast. She'll be surprised to see me there. I just hope showing her how much I love her and being able to talk with her will be enough for her to realize I'm not the person Abby tells her I am."

"What if she kicks you out?"

"In that case I'll have to find another opportunity to get close to her. I'll put a note in the roses and if you agree I'd like to send more notes with you guys when you meet up with her, of course she can't know you delivered them. Some notes I'll send her with the mail, I've started writing them ever since I got back. Maybe they'll trigger her memories. If not, well, at least she'll know how I feel about her."

* * *

 

"Clarke, I really think you should stay home for a bit longer. You need more rest" Abby tried to persuade her daughter. "What do you even want there? A _gallery."_

"I can't stand being cooped up in here any longer mom. Besides you know I love art and from what Bellamy and Echo told me, I made my dream of becoming an artist come true. According to them the gallery owner Mr. Wallace is planning to hand it over to me, which means I must be good at what I do. Hell, they even said my own paintings are being sold there!" Clarke defended her decision.

Abby was getting angry. _I shouldn't have left her alone with them, what else did they tell her?_

"But can't you wait a few more days longer? Maybe a week? Two days seems too soon."

"No mom! I'm going back to work whether you like it or not! Gosh, even after all these years you're still not over me choosing my own path instead of following your footsteps!" Clarke had enough and left the room, going back upstairs to her own bedroom to paint. Painting was one of the only things that got her to calm down.

* * *

 

Two days later, Lexa was standing in front of the gallery Clarke works at with flowers in one hand and a basket full of food in the other, waiting for its owner Dante Wallace to arrive and let her in to surprise Clarke. Turning around she saw said man walking towards her.

"Good morning, Mr. Wallace" she greeted.

"Good morning, Lexa dear. I thought I told you to call me Dante back when Clarke first started working here?" Pulling out his key, he unlocked the door. "It's really nice of you to do this for Clarke, though I have to wonder why do it here and not at home?"

Putting down the basket Lexa helped him open the gallery, turning on the lights in each room. "I could've done that, but I know how much she loves working here and how she was looking forward to being here again, so I thought why not make her first day back even more special?"

"That's a lovely idea. Go on and set everything up, Clarke should be here soon. I can handle the rest" he smiled, watching Lexa walk into her girlfriend's office. "Ah, to be young and in love again."

Half an hour later Clarke walked into the gallery. "Good morning, Mr. Wallace."

"Hello, Clarke. It's so good to see you again. I know you can't remember, but even though I'm your boss, for the time being at least, we agreed on talking to each other on first name basis" he explained with a chuckle.

"Right. Sorry. Um, which room is my office?"

"Second door on the right."

"Thanks." _What's up with his smile?_ Clarke headed towards her office wondering if he was hiding something. When she opened the door to her office, she froze in shock. Anger flooding through her veins.

" _You!"_


	12. Chapter 12

"Hello, Clarke" Lexa said, standing from her seat in front of Clarke's desk.

"What do you think you're doing here? Wasn't I clear enough at the hospital? I don't want to _ever_ see you again" Clarke was seething. She was looking forward to start working again, but seeing Lexa in her office, ruined her day. _Who does_ she _think she is? The audacity!_

Even though she expected a reaction like this, Lexa was still hurt. The pain she felt flashed across her eyes briefly before she managed to hide it. Refusing to show just how affected she was by it, Lexa continued "I was worried about you. None of us heard anything of you since our last visit. I just wanted to make sure that you are doing ok and surprise you with breakfast, because I know you like to sleep as long as you possibly can before heading to work, which often results in you having to skip breakfast. Seeing as we aren't living together at the moment, I didn't have the opportunity to prepare you some food at home so you can eat it on the way to work, I went to the bakery and got you a bit of everything you like. It might be a little too much" Smiling sheepishly, Lexa gestured at the table behind her.

Only now did Clarke take notice of the set up on her desk. There was a bouquet of at least two dozen red roses on one side. A cup of steaming coffee with a thermos next to it, containing more of the warm beverage. Standing in the middle of it was a little basket full of croissants and buns. Next to it were two muffins, one with blueberries the other with chocolate, both her favorites. And last but not least, a tray full of butter, jam, cheese and cold cuts.

Looking at the collection of food, Clarke's jaw dropped. _She really went all out, didn't she?_ Turning her gaze to the brunette in front of her, she noticed that she seemed nervous. _Lexa seemed sincere when she said she was worried about me. And the pain I saw in her eyes earlier even though she tried to hide it, no one would be able to fake that._ A warm feeling was spreading in her chest and a fluttering was beginning to form in her stomach. Clarke put her hand over her heart. _What is this feeling? It feels so warm and nice….No! This wrong Clarke!_ She _just wants to get you back under her control. Remember,_ Lexa _is the reason Dad died._

Seeing the inner turmoil the blonde was in, Lexa decided it was time for her to leave. "I hope you enjoy your breakfast. I'll take my leave, so you can eat in peace. Have a good day Clarke, I hope to see you again soon."

Snapping out of her thoughts, Clarke turned around and glared at Lexa. "You can drop the act" The brunette looked at her confused. "I'm not falling for your tricks again. I may not remember how you did it, but you won't be able to get me caught in your game a second time."

"What game Clarke?"

"I know exactly what you're planning _Woods._ You want to get me all tangled up in your web of lies so you can control my life again. But let me tell you, I've got you all figured out."

"What? Clarke what are you talking about? I'd never-"

"STOP LYING!" Clarke interrupted. "My mom told me all about what you've done to me! You and your siblings brainwashed Octavia and Raven! _You_ convinced them to play along with your sick and twisted lies! It's _your_ fault my father died! _You_ are the reason Finn and I broke up! _You_ spread rumors of him cheating on me!"

Lexa was at a loss of words. _Clarke...just what kind of lies did Abby put in your head?_ "Clarke, none of that is true. Please, you have to believe me. Finn really did cheat on you. He did something even worse to you after you broke up with him. I stayed by your side to _protect_ you. Clarke, you have to trust me when I say that I would never _ever_ do anything that could hurt you. I love you too much for that." At this point she was practically begging Clarke to believe her.

Said blonde looked into the green eyes in front of her and once again she saw nothing but sincerity in her eyes. There was such an openness and vulnerability and warmth in them it took her breath away for a second. _Is that….love?_ Catching herself, Clarke shook her head. "Just get out of here"

Looking into those cerulean eyes she loves so much one last time, Lexa nodded and left the room. Outside she was met by Dante, who looked at her astonished. "You're leaving already? I thought you'd stay and eat with her?"

Lexa faked a smile. "I wish I could, but work's calling so I got to go. It was nice seeing you again, Dante"

Back in the office Clarke took a few deep breaths to calm her nerves. "Unbelievable. The nerve she has" Looking at her desk, the blonde debated what to do with all the things the brunette brought along with her. Grabbing the flowers, she was about to throw them in the trash when she saw a little piece of paper falling out of the bouquet.

Putting the roses back into their vase, the young blonde bend down and picked up the card. Sitting down in her chair, she saw that there was something written on it.

 

_Ai Skaifaya,_

_I know you probably don't care about what I'm writing to you, but for the slim chance that you are reading this, I just want you to know how proud I am of you for all the things you've accomplished in your life. I still remember how excited you were on your first day working here at the gallery. You couldn't sleep for three days and made me stay up with you all night, looking for an outfit you could wear on your first day to make a good impression, but not wanting it to "_ look like I'm trying too hard" _, asking you about different artists and their drawings to make sure you were able to provide the correct information to customers or just talking about everything and nothing._

_When Dante told you he wanted to add your own paintings at the next showcase, your eyes lit up brighter than the sun and all stars combined. I fell in love with you even more that day. Your dream of becoming an artist had finally come true._

_The closer the showcase got, the more of a mess you became. You were a nervous wreck, worrying that people wouldn't like you art. Turns out all that worrying was for naught. THEY LOVED IT. You sold so many of your pieces that night and got even more requests to draw more._

_And now two years later, you're just five months away from taking over the gallery._

_I'm so proud of you Clarke, ai hodnes._

_Love,_

_Yu Heda_

 

Clarke read the note three more times, absentmindedly nibbling on the blueberry muffin. There was this strange fluttering and warm feeling in her chest again.

Putting a hand over her heart Clarke looked at her office door, which Lexa walked through just 15 minutes ago. _Is this true? Does she really mean it? No, no Clarke! You said you wouldn't fall for her tricks again!...But if it is, it doesn't add up to what Mom told me...Who is telling the truth?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation:  
> Ai Skaifaya = my star  
> Ai hodnes = my love  
> Yu Heda = your Commander


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy AlyciaCon weekend guys!  
> Here's another chapter with a Clexa flashback, hope you enjoy.  
> And to everyone who gets to meet Alycia this weekend: you guys are so damn lucky I'm so jealous of you all

Later that evening, when Clarke arrived home, she still couldn't get the note Lexa wrote out of her mind. All day she had been thinking about whether it was true or not, she just couldn't shake off the warm feeling it gave her. Walking past the living room, she was greeted by her mother.

"Oh, you're home" Abby said, sounding not really interested. "Where did you get the flowers from?"

Glancing down at the roses in her hands, Clarke knew she couldn't tell her mother that Lexa was the one to give them to her. "Oh...Uhm, Dante gave them to me, as a welcome back present."

"Is that so? Now tell me Clarke, have you come to your senses and realized that this job isn't it for you? That you are meant for something bigger? It's not too late, you can still become a doctor like me."

_ Here we go again. _ The younger blonde took a deep breath as she rolled her eyes, trying to hold in the anger she could feel resurfacing. "Mom how many times do I have to tell you that I don't want to be a doctor? I've always wanted to be an artist. Art is my passion. This is my dream."

"Your dream? Clarke, what life could you possibly have with a job like this? Think of your future!"

"I am thinking about my future!" Clarke had enough. "In a few months time Dante will retire and when he does, he will hand the gallery over to me! Tell me Mom, did you know he's selling some of my painting too?"

Abby was speechless when she heard this, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.  _ She's selling her own art? _

This reaction was answer enough for Clarke. Tears were starting to gather in her eyes. "I guess not. Have you been to gallery even once? Have you seen any of the showcases my paintings got shown at? I bet you didn't do that either. I'm sure Dad would have gone. He would have even purchased some pieces just so he could support me, because that's what he did: He supported me! He would've been proud of me!" As the tears started to fall, she turned and ran up the stairs towards her room.

The last part shook the surgeon out of her thoughts. "Don't you dare talk to me like that! I'm just trying to do what's best for you!" she called up the stairs before heading to her home office.

Up in her room, Clarke put the vase with the bouquet on her nightstand and sat down on her bed. Wiping away her tears, she shook her head.  _ Why can't she just accept me? _ Hugging herself as the tears just kept following, the blonde felt something crumble in her pocket. Reaching inside her pocket, she found a piece of paper.  _ Lexa's note…she wrote how proud she is of me, but is it really true? Can I trust her? _ Deciding to forget about her doubts for now, Clarke hugged the note to her chest and laid down, basking in the warm feeling reading it left her with once again. Not long after she fell asleep.

 

**Dream**

_ Clarke was sitting on a bench with her knees pulled up next to the lake at the park, watching the ducks swim as she sketched them into her notebook. A squeeze on her shoulder made her turn her head to the side. A person was sitting next to her, she just couldn't see who it was because their whole body was a blur. Everything was blurry, except for their eyes. _

_ Their eyes were such a stunning green, Clarke felt like they were sucking her soul in. The green was deeper than any forest she's ever seen. They were alight with so much life and had a twinkle of mischievous amusement in them. _

_ " _ What do you think? _ " A female voice asked, sounding amused. _

_ Clarke blinked her eyes a few times, needing a few seconds to focus after having been pulled out of her zone. " _ What? _ " _

_ A chuckle left the woman beside her, it was the most beautiful sound Clarke had ever heard. _

_ " _ I did it again, didn't I? _ " the blonde apologized. " _ I'm sorry, I can't help myself. Whenever I draw I forget everything around me. _ " _

_ " _ Don't worry about it Clarke. I've told you before that I don't mind it. In fact your passion for art and the way you put your whole being in it, is one of the reasons I love you so much _ " the voice said, reaching out a blurry hand to caress her cheek. " _ I was just asking what you thought about getting a pet once Aden and Madi are born. Of course we can get a pet before that, if that's what you prefer. _ " _

_ " _ Aden and Madi? Who are they? _ " _

_ " _ Our children _ " the woman answered, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. _

_ " _ Children?! _ " Clarke asked, shocked. _

_ " _ Yes, our children. Aden will have your hair and my eyes, while Madi has my hair and your eyes. They'll be the perfect mixture of both of our personalities. Though we can have more than two, if that's what you want, I for one wouldn't mind having more kids. I heard there's a new way for same sex couples to have their own biological children. You take the DNA of one woman's egg and put it inside the other woman's egg, just like a sperm cell would. The fertilized egg cell gets put back into the womb of the woman that's going to carry the baby and ta-da! Biological child of a lesbian couple. For gay men they just extract the DNA from one sperm and transmit it into a DNAless donated egg cell and merge it with the other man's sperm. Of course men would need a surrogate mother, but it would still be their child. _ " _

_ To say Clarke was surprised by all this information would be an understatement. " _ You sure did a lot of research on that topic, didn't you? _ " _

_ The woman scratched the back of her neck sheepishly, most likely blushing. " _ Well, yeah. I wanted to know what kind of possibilities we have in the future after we got married. _ " _

_ Still trying to process all this new information, Clarke raised an eyebrow. " _ Married? Are you proposing to me? _ " _

_ Another chuckle came from next to her. " _ No. At least not yet. I want it to be the perfect proposal when I do it. I plan for it to be all romantic. _ " _

_ " _ What else have you planned for our future in that beautiful head of yours? _ " _

_ " _ Well, first we have to finish college. Once both of us have gotten our careers started, I plan to buy you the most beautiful ring there is and propose to you. _ " The woman took her hand, intertwining their fingers. " _ After we're married, we'll buy a big house with a nice garden for the kids to play in. _ " _

_ " _ That sounds nice _ " Clarke hummed. _

_ " _ Yeah? You're not freaked out by it? _ " the beautiful voice sounded worried. _

_ " _ Yes. To be honest, I've been thinking the same things for us _ " _

_ " _ Really? _ " At the blonde's nod, the green eyes started to shine even more. " _ Awesome! Now that we're both on the same page let's get back to our future pet. I think a dog would be perfect. _ " _

_ " _ A dog? No. Do you know how much work a dog makes? The mess they cause? A goldfish would be better. You feed them once a day and clean their tank once a week and that's it. _ " _

_ The green eyes narrowed. " _ A fish? But they're so boring...the kids need a pet they can play with...How about a compromise? _ " _

_ Intrigued, Clarke turned towards the other woman in her seat. " _ What do you suggest? _ " _

_ " _ Well, you want a GOLDfish and I want a dog, so for both of us to be happy let's settle on a GOLDEN retriever and name it Fish. _ " It was said in such a serious and proud tone that Clarke couldn't help but burst out laughing. _

_ " _ Alright, you win. You're lucky you're so cute. _ " Clarke laughed, gasping for air. _

**End Dream**

 

The next morning Clarke woke up, wondering about the dream she had.  _ Was it even a dream? It felt more like a memory, but who was that woman? Those eyes…I feel like I know them, but I just can't remember who they belong to.  _ Grabbing her notebook and a pencil from the nightstand drawer, Clarke started sketching the green eyes she dreamed of all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno if that way of conception actually works but this idea has been stuck in my head for about 5 years now


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Happy belated birthday Alycia! I wish you all the best in the world! Stay the loving angel you are
> 
> 2\. Sorry for the delay guys. I haven't been feeling the best mentally wise lately, which lead to me bot being able to write. I wanted to uphold the schedule of updating weekly, so I forced myself to write this chapter, which means I don't really like it.
> 
> 3\. TRIGGER WARNING  
> I didn't plan for it to happen, it just happened while I was writing, but there is an attempted rape being mentioned by Octavia. It's nothing too graphic and she's being saved before too much can happen, but I wanted to warn you anyways.

* * *

An hour later there was a knock on the door of the Griffin mansion. Abby walked over and opened it, to say she was surprised at who she saw on the other side would be an understatement.

"Raven? Octavia? What are you doing here?"

"They're with me" Bellamy called, walking up to them together with Echo. "I brought them along. Sorry we didn't inform you beforehand, but this could possibly be the only opportunity we have to get them away from the Woods, at least for a short while."

"What he means is, that both Lincoln and Anya have plans with their family today, which we aren't allowed to be part of" Raven stepped in, playing her role perfectly.

Somewhat stiffly Octavia replied with clenched teeth  "Yes, they told us to stay at home all day, but we're dying to see Clarke again, so we called Bellamy to drive us here since they took our car keys with them."

Abby narrowed her eyes at the youngest girl suspiciously. "Are you sure you're ok Octavia? You're acting strange."

"She's just scared the Woods will find out they are here, you know they have their eyes everywhere" Echo explained.

"I see...Well, come on in, Clarke is still in her room" The suspicion didn't leave Abby as she lead them inside. _I'm not making the same mistake as last time. This time I won't let them out of my eyes._

Once the Griffin matriarch turned her back on them, Raven elbowed Octavia in the side given her a harsh look. "I'm trying my best!" Octavia whispered, defending herself while holding her now sore ribs.

"Did you say something?" The older woman asked, looking back at them over her shoulder. Receiving a collective shaking of their heads from all four, she nodded and turned back around, walking up the stairs and towards her daughter's room.

Not getting an answer after knocking twice, Abby walked in thinking her daughter was still asleep. "Clarke?"

Sitting on her bed and putting the final details on the drawing she started after waking up, Clarke didn't realize someone entered her room, until her mother walked over to her and shook her shoulder. Jumping, she looked up and saw her friends standing behind her.

"Octavia? Raven? It's so good to see you again!" She exclaimed as she hugged them both at the same time.

"It's good to see you too" Octavia replied, once they released each other. Noticing the open notebook Clarke left laying on her bed, she saw the drawing the blonde was working on, recognizing the eyes right away. "Isn't that L-" But she was interrupted by Raven elbowing once again.

"What is it O?" The young blonde asked, curious of their behavior.

Scratching the back of her neck the dark haired girl replied "I was just saying how incredibly good that drawing is."

"Oh, thank you. It's from a dream I had last night. They're the only detail I could see clearly of that person."

"What else did you dream about?" Raven wondered.

Clarke tapped her chin with her index finger, as she tried to remember more details of the dream. "Me and thus blurry woman were sitting at the lake talking about what we want for our future and a dog named Fish."

 _It must have been a memory of Lexa!_ The Latina's eyes widened in realization. Knowing they had to change the subject unless they wanted Abby to throw them out again, she told Clarke "Well that sure sounds like an interesting dream. How about you get dressed and we all will meet you downstairs?"

After they all left Clarke alone in her room to get ready, the four friends walked a few feet behind Abby whispering to each other.

"You all saw who's eyes she drew, right?" Octavia asked.

Echo nodded. "They were obviously Lexa's, but what fish is she talking about?"

Raven chuckled quietly. "Lexa came up with that weird idea of getting a golden retriever and naming him Fish, since she wants a dog and Clarke insisted on having a goldfish."

"But what does this mean for Clarke?" Bellamy wanted to know.

"It means Bell" his little sister started "that there is still hope of Clarke regaining her memories again. We just need to find out what triggered them.

When they all reached the living room, Abby sat down in an armchair, looking at the four young adults with a stern gaze, indicating for them all to take a seat on the sofa.

They all sat in silence, until Clarke came down dressed ten minutes later and Abby started the conversation.

"Besides wanting to see Clarke again, what really brings you here?"

Nodding towards the other three, Raven began. "We came here to ask for help."

"Help with what?"

"To escape the Woods." With that the brunette turned towards her childhood friend. "Clarke, you managed to get out of Lexa's clutches, even if it was only because you lost your memory, but we ask you: Please help us. Bellamy told us, last time he visited you, you were willing to free us."

"That's right" Clarke said.

"I'm sure Abby told you how controlling they are?" Getting a nod, Raven continued. "We can't ever go anywhere without them knowing or accompanying us. It's the same as Lexa did to you. We had to practically sneak out of our own homes today because they would've never let us come here if they knew."

"That's horrible!" Clarke gasped. "I'm so glad you guys came to me. I was starting to think you didn't want to be my friends anymore."

"We'd NEVER leave you Clarke!" Octavia exclaimed.

Abby cleared her throat. "Why the sudden change of mind?"

"It's not sudden, we've been looking for an out for a long time now but weren't able to find one" Raven answered.

"Really? I remember you being all over Anya. And Octavia, didn't you use to practically cherish the ground Lincoln walked on?"

"Well yes, but that was when we still used to be under their spell. They became more controlling when we started to open our eyes to the truth."

Next to the Latina, Octavia was clenching her fists. She hated having to play this role. Lincoln had never been anything but gentleman like towards her and having to tell all these lies was killing her.

"Are you okay Octavia? You've been really quiet this whole time" Abby observed with narrowed eyes.

"Oh...uh, yeah. I'm fine. This is all just really stressing for me."

While Abby was still focusing on the younger girl, Raven pulled out her phone and send a quick message to Lexa.

 

**Tinka**

I'm sorry, Lex. Abby is keeping an eye on us, I don't think I'll be able to get your letter to Clarke.

**Sexy Lexy**

That's ok. I expected as much, thanks for trying anyway. I'll just keep sending her the notes via mail or try to give them to her personally.

How are things going over there?

 

Before Raven could reply, she saw Abby eyeing her from across the room. "Who are you texting, Reyes?"

"Anya" Raven said, putting her phone back in her pocket. "She wanted to know what I'm doing, I told her I'm at home catching up on my favorite tv show."

"Really? I didn't hear it go off."

"That's because I have it on vibration" Raven looked into the surgeon's eyes, giving her a challenging look.

Deciding to drop the topic for the time being, Abby refocused in Octavia, who she deemed as the weakest link at the moment. "Tell me Octavia, when did you realize that Lincoln isn't who he seems to be?"

Hesitating, Octavia tried to come up with something. "It all started shortly after we began college. A guy in my physiology class named Atom took an interest in me and Lincoln went nuts with jealousy, he wouldn't leave my side whenever Atom was near." _Well, at least that's partly true. Abby doesn't need to know that Atom was a stalking creep._

Noticing Bellamy stiffen at the story his sister told in the corner of her eye, Abby decided to go for more details. "Did he do the same to you as Lexa did to my daughter?"

Octavia swallowed. "Yes. It was terrible. No matter what I did, who I met or where I went, he followed me everywhere" Octavia decided to replace Atom with Lincoln in her story. It was the first time she's talked about this since the trail against Atom. "Whenever I finished class he would be there waiting for me. He even showed up at the diner I worked at at the time."

"Why didn't you leave him back then?"

"I told him to stay away from me, but he wouldn't leave me alone." Octavia was fighting back tears, while Bellamy was sitting next to her shaking with rage. "One day when I had the late shift at the diner, he was waiting for me in the parking lot. He pushed me against the building wall and started groping me, telling me I belonged to him, that no one else was allowed to touch me. He ripped open my shirt and if it weren't for Lincoln coming at that moment to pick me up...I don't want to know what would have happened." By now tears were rolling down her cheeks.

"Lincoln saved you? I thought Lincoln was the one who attacked you…" Abby said, her eyes turning dark.

"What?" Knowing she screwed up, Octavia tried to cover up her slip of the tongue. "Yes that's what I meant. It was Bellamy who came to save me."

"Impossible. I know for a fact that when you guys were in your freshman year of college Bellamy was in Germany for a whole year, so he couldn't have saved you. Which would explain his reaction right now, he blames himself for not having been there for you at that time. So let's just cut the bullshit and tell me why you're really here, Blake."

"Fine!" Octavia had enough. "You want to know why we're here? I'll tell you! We're here to save Clarke from you! You're filling her head with nothing but lies and we're here to tell her the truth!"

Clarke looked at her _friends_ with wide eyes. Were they making this whole story up about wanting to be freed of the Woods just so they could get her back under Lexa's control? Was her mother right all along?

"You just made this whole story up, O?"

"No, Clarke. It's true, all of it. But it wasn't Lincoln who did it. It was Atom who stalked and attacked her. Lincoln saved Octavia" Raven tried to explain.

Clarke shook her head, tears gathering in her eyes. "I can't believe you'd stoop so low, now that I'm finally free of her. Get out. Get out and don't come back!"

"Clarke, no! Don't do this!" Bellamy tried to reason.

"Shut up! I expected differently from you of all people Bell! You hate Lexa almost as much as I do!"

"Not anymore. After what happened to you, I realized she honestly cared about you. 'She's not who you think she is' that's what you told me and it's true!"

"STOP IT! I don't want to hear anymore of your lies! Just GET OUT!!" Clarke threw a nearby pillow at him.

Realizing they blew their possibly only chance to tell Clarke the truth the four stood up and left. Reaching the door, Echo turned around one more time and said "I'm sorry, Clarke. We were just trying to help you" before closing the door behind her.

Getting into the car, Octavia turned to her friends and shouted at them "I told you this wasn't a good idea! We should have never lied to her!"

Raven sighed. "I know. You're right, O. This was a mistake. Let's just hope Lexa can think of something.

 

**Tinka**

Sorry, Lex. We fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation:  
> Tinka = mechanic


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day late once again, I know BUT! There is a reason! (Yes, I did pull an Alycia there *grin*)  
> My cousin's daughter was born a few days ago and I got to meet her for the first time yesterday, which resulted in me not being able update.  
> I'm on a 3 week break now though, so I'll try to uphold the Saturday-update schedule again (no promises)

After the door closed behind her friends, Clarke broke down crying. _Why? Why would they make up such lies?_

"Now, do you see what I've been trying to tell you all along? Even your so called _friends_ don't want you to be free" Abby approached her daughter with a cold and calculating look in her eyes. "They make up lies, they try to fool you. It's better to stay away from them."

Clarke started to hiccup from crying too hard, her eyes were already swollen. Once her breathing calmed down again, she began to think over Octavia's story. Something just wasn't adding up. She looked at her mother with a puzzled face. "You told me the Woods were some kind of controlling freaks, that they're dangerous."

Abby nodded. "That's because they are. Just like Becca, she took every chance she got to steal what was rightfully mine. Every time there was a science competition at school, the teachers would favor her because of her heritage. That's also why she got the medicine scholarship that should've belonged to me. They trick people into believing they could do no wrong, while in truth they plan to take everything away from you."

"But it doesn't make any sense… Lincoln, he came to save O from this Atom guy… if he really was as controlling as you say, he would've never left her side, which means this whole thing wouldn't have happened." Clarke shook her head. "The Lincoln I remember may have looked intimidating, but he's an actual teddy bear. He would never hurt another person. And Anya, she may have been closed off and could've killed with her glares, but that was before she started dating Raven… Ever since they got together in Sophomore year, she started opening up to other people outside her family. I can't imagine Lexa having that much of an influence on them…"

"That's because she _wants_ you to believe she's a good person, but trust me when I say: She. Is. Not."

"No… I don't know what to believe in anymore… when I met her yesterday, she seemed so nice and sincere. The way she behaved, the feelings I saw in her eyes, you can't fake that" By now Clarke was mostly mumbling to herself, deeply in thought.

Abby was alarmed. Her daughter met that… woman? _This isn't good. This could destroy everything I've accomplished so far._

"You saw her? Where? When?"

Realizing that she was still talking aloud, Clarke looked up at her mother. What she saw in her eyes scared her. They were so dark and filled with so much anger, the young blonde never seen them like this before. Not even when her father died. Clarke stood up cautiously, backing up a few steps away from Abby.

"Mom? Are you ok? What's wrong?"

"When and where did you meet her?" the head surgeon practically growled.

For some reason Clarke knew she couldn't tell her the whole truth. "I… I met Lexa on the street on my way to work yesterday. I tried to evade her, but it didn't work, so I confronted her, telling her to stay away from me. She tried to tell me that Finn did something worse than cheating to me, that she'd been trying to protect me."

"What else did she tell you!"

"N-Nothing, I swear. She had to go to work herself. We didn't talk about anything else."

"The flowers, were they from her?"

Clarke swallowed thickly. "No. I-I told you they are from Dante as a welcome back present."

Abby started pacing the room. _I can't let this happen again. I have to keep her away from that girl._

"From now on, you won't be going anywhere without me accompanying you, understood? I won't let _her_ or anyone else of that group get close to you ever again." The tone the older blonde was speaking in was so dangerously calm it sent shivers down Clarke's spine.

Clarke gasped. "What? No! Mom, you can't do that they are my friends! I've known them my whole life!"

"Apparently you don't know them good enough! Why else would they come here lying to you? Making up some fucked up story just to get you back to _her?_ "

"Maybe they were saying the truth and it's not Lexa I need saving from, but _you_ ! Right now _you_ are the only person trying to control me. _You_ are watching my every step! _You_ want to know where I go and who I talk to! _You_ are the one trying to dictate my life!" Clarke walked to the closet in the hall and hot out two bags.

"What do you think you're doing, young lady?!" Abby raged following her daughter up the stairs.

"Obviously, I can't stay here anymore! I don't know who to trust or who to believe anymore! I need some time on my own, to clear my head!" Clarke said as she packed her clothes, notebooks, art utensils and the note Lexa gave her the day before. When she finished packing, she stormed towards the front door, grabbing her car keys on the way.

Abby kept following her daughter. As she opened the door, she took hold of her arm to stop Clarke from leaving. "And where do you think you'll go? You just kicked out your own friends! Do you really think one of them will take you in after this?" 

Clarke tore her arm free from her mother's grasp and turned around to look at her one last time. "I'll find a place to stay. And _you_ better stay away from me!" With that she slammed the door, got in her car and started driving towards Dante's gallery.

Back in the house, Abby turned and shove everything from the dresser next to her. "God damn it!" In the process of doing so, she pushed down the last family picture the Griffin's took before Jake died, with Clarke standing in between her and Jake, while Jake had his arm around his wife's shoulders. Back then they were a happy and loving family. Kneeing, to pick up the frame, Abby saw a crack going down between herself and her daughter, effectively separating herself from the rest of her family. _I did this...I destroyed my family...But I just wanted to do what's best for my daughter._ Taking the picture out of the broken frame, the doctor clutched it to her chest and started crying over her broken family.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING:  
> There's a character death in this chapter and traumatic childhood experiences too.
> 
> This might be the longest chapter yet
> 
>  
> 
> Can you believe it's already been 41 Months Without Lexa?

Three days later, Clarke was sitting in her hotel room, sketching away in her notebook. Laying on the table next to a brand new box pencils, were three little sheets of paper, each containing a different massage to her.

The first one was the one Lexa gave her with the bouquet of flowers on her first day back at work.

The second one, was delivered to her the day after she moved out of her mother's home along with a box of her favorite chocolates. It said:

 

_Ai Skaifaya,_

_I'm sorry for what happened yesterday when Raven and Octavia visited you._

_You have to know that none of us meant to hurt you. Our plan was to achieve the exact opposite. All we wanted to do was to trick your mother to let you be in contact with them again. I know they're both your best friends and that you must be missing them a lot. That's the only reason I went along with the idea._

_Raven wasn't a fan of the plan either, but she knew it was a necessary evil. Octavia was vehemently fighting against the idea, but she was ultimately outvoted by the rest of us._

_The story Octavia told you wasn't a lie. This Atom guy really did try to hurt her and force himself on her. I know you don't remember, but you, Clarke, you were the only person O would talk to for weeks._

_Believe me when I say, we did want to tell you the truth at some point, when you were ready for it._

_Again, I am sincerely sorry for the pain we caused you with our actions. I hope this won't result in you pushing away your friends for good._

_Love,_

_Yu Heda_

 

When she first read the note, Clarke was still angry at her friends for doing something like that to her, but after reading what Lexa wrote to her, she felt how sorry the brunette was. Still the blonde wasn't ready to reach out to them just yet.

The third letter was sent to her yesterday in a little package containing the new box of pencils. They weren't just any kind of pencils, no, they were Clarke's favorite brand of pencils for professional artists. Looking at the size of the box, the young artist knew right away they cost almost $350, a small fortune to give them to someone without there being an occasion.

 

_Ai Skaifaya,_

_I'm not sure if you're even reading these letters I'm sending to you, but writing them makes me feel at least somewhat close to you._

_When we first started hanging out, because our friends started dating, you could barely stand being close to me. Even though you were hardly talking to me back then, just being able to be next to you made me the happiest person on earth._

_When_ that _happened it was by pure luck, that I happened to witness it. I've never told you this before, but I was scared that day. Not for myself, but for what_ he _was about to do to you, what_ he _already did to you._

 _You said your mother told you I kept following you around to control you, however as I told you before, that's not true. I never left your side to_ protect _you and reassure not just myself but you too of your safety._

_After I saved you, I finally gained your trust. You asked me to stay with you for the first few nights afterwards. Slowly but surely, the both of us became friends._

_I knew you were having a hard time coming to terms with everything that happened, so being your friend was enough for me. Just getting to be part of your life made me happy._

_When I thought friendship would be all there ever will be between us, you started giving me signs like you wanted more._

_At first I thought I was imagining them, though when Anya and even Octavia told me to make a move, that I wasn't hallucinating, I decided to ask you out in our junior year of college. Hearing you say yes that day is still one of my happiest moments in life._

_You taught me that it's ok to let people get close to me. Before you, I tried to hide behind the mask I wore all the time. You are the first person to be able to look past it, not even my family was able to do that. Thanks to you I now know that feelings, especially love, aren't a weakness, they are what make us strong. My love for you makes me strong._

You _are my strength Clarke._

_I just wanted to thank you for showing me how beautiful life could be. I feel like I don't tell you enough how grateful I am to have you._

_Thank you, for giving me a chance. Thank you, for loving me. Thank you, for believe in me. Thank you, for teaching me how to live and not just survive._

_Thank you, for being you._

_I love you._

_Forever yours,_

_Yu Heda_

 

After Clarke finished reading the third one for the first time the morning before, she couldn't stop the tears from running down her cheeks. The pure emotions she could feel the letter was written with were rendering her breathless. When Dante walked into her office to informed the young artist that she had a client who wanted to request a painting, he saw her tear streaked face and began to panic.

"What's wrong?" he had asked. 

Clarke sniffed a few times before she answered. "It's nothing. It's just… this letter I got from Lexa. It's really touching."

Dante let out a sigh of relief. "Yes. That girl has a way with words" he had chuckled at her.

Clarke continued her drawing of last night's dream while letting herself relive it in her head.

 

**Dream**

_The sun had set a long time ago, when Clarke and the same blurry, green eyed woman lay in the grass side by side, looking up at the stars with the other woman's arm wrapped around her shoulders and Clarke's head laying on her chest. They were in a small meadow with various wild flowers growing in it, surrounded by trees._

_The only difference to the woman this time was that besides the green eyes Clarke was able to see long brown, wavy hair clearly._

"Tell me something about your past" _the blonde insisted._

 _The woman chuckled._ "What do you want to know?"

 _Clarke sat up and turned to look at the figure next to her._ "What really happened during that bank robbery?" _Her mother told her a bit about it, but at this point in time she knew most of it was a lie._

_The brunette clenched her jaw as she sat up, pulling away from Clarke. Clearing her throat, she looked into the distance._

_Feeling the other woman's discomfort, Clarke started rubbing her back._ "Hey, it's ok. You don't have to talk about it. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"No, it's ok. I'm fine" _She took a shuddering breath._ "It's just…. It's not easy to talk about. Just give me a minute." _Taking a few more deep breaths to calm her nerves, the woman started._ "My mom and I were at the bank to pick up some money for the trip to an amusement park she planned, when these three masked men came bursting in, firing shots at the ceiling, demanding money. They told us all to get down and lay with our faces on the floor."

_The brunette took Clarke's hand in hers to ground herself. Knowing she needed the comfort, Clarke gave her hand a squeeze._

"I was so scared, I started crying. I couldn't hold back the sobs. One of the robbers started shouting at me. _'Shut the fuck up brat! Otherwise I will make sure you shut your damn mouth for good!'_ Of course that just scared me even more and made me cry louder, I was just five years old after all. He put his gun to my head and was about to pull the trigger, when my mom begged him to let me go. She got up and kneeled in front of me, acting as a defensive wall between myself and that guy. He punched her in the face with the back of his gun, but she just got back up and put her arms around me.

"He kept on telling my mom to make me shut up. _'Make that little bitch shut up or I'll kill you both!'_ She tried. She really tried to calm me down, but nothing worked." _Tears were falling endlessly from the green eyes Clarke loved so much._ "When he had enough, he grabbed me by the collar and yanked me out of my mother's arms. He started shaking me and hitting me in the face before he threw me down and started kicking me in the stomach, making me throw up blood.

"Mom tackled him to the ground to get him to stop hurting me. She wrestled with him for a while, trying to take his gun away from him. She almost had it, when one of his partners shot her in the back. She stopped moving and the guy she was fighting with kicked her away, her face looking at me. _'Fuck! The cops are coming! Let's get outta here!'_ The third one shouted. Shortly after some officers came into the bank.

"All the while I was looking at my mother and she at me. I heard her labored breathing, it sounded like she was trying to tell me something so I crawled closer to her. _'Don't be afraid, Lexa. Death is not the end.'_ That's the last thing she said to me. She died right in front of me before the medics could even get to her. One of the officers took me away from her just as I lost consciousness. I woke up in the hospital two days later"

_Clarke felt her heart breaking for the woman next to her. To have gone through something so horrible at such a young age… The blonde only noticed she was crying herself when the brunette brushed her tears away._

"Sometimes when I close my eyes I can still hear the shot ringing, I see her face and she says those exact same words."

 _Clarke shook her head._ "My mom said Becca died because of you. She said it was because you wouldn't listen to her and kept on provoking the robbers" 

 _The woman chuckled humorlessly._ "I guess for once, what Abby said was true. It is my fault my mom died… If only it weren't for me she would still be alive"

"Stop!" _The blonde demanded._ "I won't sit here and listen to you talk like that! It wasn't your fault! You were just a child and it's ok to be scared. No one could have known something like this would happen. If someone is to blame it's those guys raiding the bank and no one else."

_Even though she couldn't see the person's face, from the look in her eyes, Clarke knew she was thankful to hear those words._

"What happened afterwards?" _Clarke asked, drawing soothing circles on the other woman's back._

"I had to stay in the hospital for a week. After that I was put into foster care since I never knew who my father was and uncle Gus and his family were overseas. The group home I was placed in was run by a man named Titus. He was against any form of feelings at all. If he caught you showing emotions, no matter which one, he'd punish you. He'd either hit you, lock you away or preach about how feelings, most of all love, make you weak.

"You can imagine how many punishments I got when I first moved there. Little five year old me, traumatized by seeing my own mother be killed right in front of me and still struggling with my own injuries. I had a lot of nightmares and every night I would wake up screaming and crying. Everytime he would pull me out of the bedroom I shared with three other girls and lock me away in a closet, without any source of light.

"One of the girls that slept in the same room became my protector. She had the same problems when she got there, but that's her story to tell. After my first few nights there, she took pity on me. Every evening, after Titus made his round, checking if we were all in bed, she would start climbing into bed with me, she would hold me for the whole night and whisper comfortingly in my ear whenever I started having a nightmare. I started considering her my big sister. Unfortunately Titus caught onto it after a few weeks. He noticed how close we became and tried to separate us as much as possible, but when he set us free again, we would always seek each other out. That's not to say his treatment towards us didn't leave it's scars. We learned to hide what we really felt behind a mask. But it also made us numb. It caused us to no longer be able to form bonds with others. That's why, when Dad adopted me a year later, I begged him to take her in too or I wouldn't leave with him."

 _Turning to look at the blonde the woman said_ "You're the first person I've ever told this story too. You're the first person outside my family that I've been able to form a connection with. You showed me it's ok to open up and for that I'll forever be grateful to you Clarke." _With that she leaned in and gave the blonde a gentle kiss on the lips._

**End Dream**

 

Coming out of her thoughts, Clarke noticed she finished the drawing. It was the same brunette from her dream, sitting in the meadow looking up at the night sky with her beautiful green eyes. But this time those eyes weren't full of love and warmth, this time they were guarded and filled with pain and longing. You could still see the remains of tears in the corner of her eyes.

Letting out a deep breath, the artist looked at the clock, it was 5pm. Seeing as today was her day off, she wasn't in the mood to prepare something to cook, plus she'd been craving a sandwich for a while now. Deciding to grab an early dinner, she grabbed her purse and headed out to a nearby sandwich bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation:  
> Ai Sksyfaya = my star  
> Yu Heda = your commander


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late again

Less than ten minutes later, Clarke walked into a sandwich bar called Arkadia. Walking in, the blonde was stunned by the large choice of different types of sandwiches. Every flavor you could imagine, they had it on the menu. She stood back trying to get an overview of all different kinds. Two stuck out to her the most: Praimfaya, a sandwich with grilled beef, extra hot sauce, jalapeno, cheese, tomatoes and lettuce, or Skybox, which consisted of pulled turkey, crushed avocado, egg, lettuce and curry-mango sauce. They both sounded delicious, she was just a bit worried just how spicy the first one would be.

Just as she got in line, the door opened and in the corner of her eye she saw Lexa walking in. Frowning, she turned towards the newcomer and let her annoyance show. "Seriously, are you stalking me or what? Even on my day off I can't seem to get rid of you."

Surprised to see the blonde, Lexa smiled kindly at her in greeting. "Hello, Clarke. I didn't expect to see you here."

"Sure, you didn't" the blonde rolled her eyes.

"I'm being honest, Clarke. This place here opened up when we were attending Polis U, so I'm kinda surprised you found it, since your mom lives on the other side of town." The brunette answered sincerely.

"Urgh, don't talk about her" she grumbled. Confused, Lexa tilted her head to the side but decided to drop the topic for now.

Clarke didn't know why, but for some reason she believed the other girl, that them meeting was coincidence, though she was still sceptical of her. "So, what brings you here?"

"Probably the same reason you are here. Food" Lexa grinned. "You know Clarke, we used to come here together during our lunch break in college. Most of the time, it was just the two of us. And if you ask me, they still make the best sandwiches in all of Polis."

Just as Clarke was about to retort, it was her turn to order her food.

"Hi, what can I get you?" the young waitress behind the counter asked kindly.

Clarke took another look at the menu, tapping her index finger against her chin. "Hmm, I'm not sure yet."

Looking at the blonde as she tried to figure out what to eat, Lexa smiled at her lovingly, being reminded of the first time they ate here.

"One Skybox, please."

Wide eyed, Clarke turned towards the brunette next to her. She was shocked at hearing the other woman say her order in synch with her, when she herself didn't know what it was gonna be until she said it. _How did she know what I was gonna order?_

"How'd you know?" She decided to voice her question out loud.

Lexa shot her another wide smile. "That's your go to order everytime we eat here. You tried the Praimfaya one time and you wouldn't stop fanning your mouth and drinking milk for the rest of the day" she explained with a laugh.

"Anything else?" the waitress interrupted.

"Yes, one Natblida and two cokes, please" Lexa answered.

"Coming right up."

"Natblida? What's that? I didn't see it on the menu" the blonde asked confused.

"A Natblida is a sandwich made up of grilled chicken breast, bbq sauce, cheese, lettuce, crushed avocado, tomato, cucumber and egg. It's not on the menu because it isn't an official sandwich they sell, you can only get it in this bar. I came up with it up myself" Lexa replied kinda proudly.

A few minutes later they got their order and before Clarke could protest or even know what's happening, Lexa paid for both of them and started walking towards a table.

"What do you think you're doing?" The blonde questioned, putting her hands on her hips.

Lexa sat down before she looked at her innocently. "Eating?" The look the blonde shot here look which told Lexa not to mess with her. "C'mon Clarke, eating together with me this once won't kill you."

The smile the brunette sent her way was so warm and inviting, the young artist couldn't refuse. Sitting down on the opposite side of the table, she asked "How much do I owe you?"

The green eyed woman looked at her questioningly. "For what?"

"For dinner?"

The quizzical look turned bewildered. "Nothing, Clarke. It's my treat."

The blonde shook her head vehemently. "Nu-uh. No way. Tell me how much money you get." When she was about to grab her wallet from her purse, she was stopped by a hand on her arm. 

"Clarke" Lexa practically whined. "Must you always be this difficult… I hardly get to see you, so please, let me do this for you"

The puppy eyed gaze she received from her, made Clarke weak. Letting out a sigh, she put her wallet back inside. "Gosh, have you always been this annoyingly cute?"

"Only for you" Lexa grinned.

The blue eyed woman shook her head, a smile starting to form on her face. _This isn't as bad as I thought it would be. This nice. Lexa is nice. Maybe… the picture I have of her in my head is wrong._ Suddenly she remembered something her father used to tell her. _Don't judge a book by its cover and never let people tell you who to be friends with or not._ Hearing those words resonating in her mind, Clarke looked down at her food with a somber look on her face.

Noticing the sudden mood change, Lexa swallowed her bite. "Hey, everything ok, Clarke? What's wrong?"

The blonde raised her head, putting on an obviously fake smile. "It's nothing, I'm okay. I just remembered something my father said to me." Taking a bite of her own sandwich, she paused. "Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything you want Clarke."

"Why did you sent me the pencils? I know how expensive they are."

Taking a knife from the basket on the table, Lexa started cutting off a part of her sandwich. "They're your favorite brand and the ones you have at home are almost used up, so I knew you would need them soon anyway. And before you ask about the chocolate, you've always loved them ever since you were a kid."

Putting down her drink, Clarke mumbled "That's because my dad would always eat them together with me."

"I know" Lexa said with a soft smile, reaching over to give the cut off part of her sandwich to the blonde. "I noticed how curious you were when I ordered it. The first time I created this, you wanted to try it too."

"Thank you" the blonde said while blushing. She chewed on it for a minute before swallowing. "I don't know if I said the same thing before, but it's good. Not as good as my Skybox is, but still good." From the way the green eyed woman started laughing, Clarke suspected she must have said the exact same thing before.

Lexa's laugh was one of the prettiest sounds the artist had ever heard and she wanted to hear it more often. It sounded familiar, too, she just couldn't wrap her finger around where she heard it before. As far as she knew Lexa hasn't laughed in her presence before, at least not since she woke up in the hospital.

They continued eating in silence for a few minutes. When they were almost finished, Clarke asked a question that's been burning in the back of her mind for a long time now. "Why do you keep sending me these letters?"

Finishing the last of her drink, Lexa took the time to choose her words. "I figured Abby would tell you lies about me, like she did when we were younger. I hoped that if you read them, you would see at least a bit of the truth. It also made me feel at least somewhat close to you, even though I don't know if you're reading them or not. I also hoped that telling you a bit of our past together would trigger some of your memories or even make you fall in love with me again…"

"So it's true? What you wrote in them, it's true?

"You really read them?" Lexa was surprised. Getting a nod from the blonde, she smiled lovingly at her. "Yes, everything I wrote you is the truth."

"What does Skaifaya mean? Or Heda?"

Scratching the back of her neck sheepishly, she replied "They're our nicknames for each other. Skaifaya means star. You are my star because you lighten up the darkness around me. And Heda means commander. I first got the name from your father back in high school when he became our soccer coach. But you gave it a whole new meaning after we started dating."

"Which meaning?" Getting nothing but a blush in return, the blonde was confused for a second before realization hit her and she started blushing herself. "Oh. _Oh_!"

"Yeah…" Letting out an awkward cough, Lexa continued her explanation. "Both of them are Trigedasleng, the language of my mother's tribe. A lot of the clan members have stopped using it, but I really like the language and I don't want it to be forgotten so I tend to use it sometimes."

After both of them finished eating, Lexa took a deep breath and sat up straighter in her seat. "Clarke, I uh, I wanted to apologize again in person for what happened with Octavia and Raven. None of us meant to hurt you, ever. We knew it was a shitty idea to lie, but it was the only way possible we could think of to get Abby to let us talk to you. If you want to put the blame on someone, put it on me. I told them to go through with it, but please don't push them away. They miss you and I'm sure you miss them too, don't you?"

Clarke started rubbing her temples. "Of course I miss them, but right now I can't be anywhere near them. I need some time on my own. I need to come to terms with not being able to remember the last seven years of my life, I need to get to know the person I became in that time, right now I only know the person others tell me I am, who they expect me to be. That's also part of the reason I moved out of my mother's house, to figure out who I am."

"What do you mean you moved out? Where are you staying? Is that why you didn't want to talk about her earlier?" The brunette was concerned for her girlfriend. _Can I still call her that?_

Sighing, the blonde responded "Yes, after Rae and O left with Bell and Echo, Mom tried to convince me that you told them to spread lies, to manipulate me to come back to you."

"I would never _ever_ do something like that Clarke, I promise!" The brunette burst out.

The blue eyed woman looked her in the eye, seeing nothing but truth in them. _I really want to believe you, but…_ "I told my mom that what she's saying didn't add up to the Lincoln and Anya I remembered from high school. The Lincoln I know is a giant teddy bear and Anya might be intimidating as hell, but Raven really did soften her up. We got into a fight and she lost it after I told her I met you the day before. She threatened to lock me up, to only let me go out when she's with me, that's when I realized it's her I needed to get away from. She is trying to control me. Not you, not the others, but her."

"That's horrible, Clarke… I'm so sorry."

"After our argument I packed my bags and moved into a hotel a few blocks from here. That's where I've been staying for the last three days."

"You're staying at a hotel?" When the blonde nodded Lexa started thinking deeply. _There's something I gotta do for her, I can't just let her stay in a hotel… I got it!_

"Clarke, before you start arguing, hear me out. Having to stay in a hotel for an indefinite period of time is going to cost a lot of money, so I'm offering you to live in our apartment."

The blonde pinched her nose. "Lexa, I told you, I-"

"Need to be on your own for a while, I know" Lexa interrupted. "I didn't mean you would have to live with me, I know you're not ready for that, at least not yet. I inherited a cabin in the woods from my mom, I can stay there for the time being, you would have the apartment all to yourself."

Clarke looked at the brunette opposite her, she couldn't believe the generous offer, her heart started feeling all warm and fuzzy again. _Is she serious? I can't believe she actually means it. She's so giving and loving when I hardly give a the time of the day. Dad was right… Lexa really isn't who Mom made her out to be. But… I'm not ready to trust her. Not yet._

"That's really generous of you, Lexa, but I can't accept it." Seeing that the other woman was about to object, the blonde stood up and grabbed her stuff. "I'm really grateful for your offer Lexa, I truly am, but I don't want to depend on you or anyone else for that matter, so I'll have to refuse. I hope you understand."

Lexa stood up too. "Yeah, of course I understand. I just ask of you to think about it and please think about reaching out to Octavia and Raven, too, they feel really bad for hurting you."

"I will." They both walked out of the bar and stood next to each other on the sidewalk awkwardly, not knowing how to say goodbye to each other. Lexa stuck out her hand for a handshake at the same time as Clarke stepped closer to hug her, resulting in the blonde getting the hand thrust in her stomach lightly.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry Clarke" They both laughed bashfully. Lexa spread her arms wide invitingly with a questioning look on her face, asking for permission. Laughing again, Clarke stepped closer and wrapped her arms around the brunette. "It was good to see you again, Clarke."

"Have a nice evening Lexa" the artist said as they parted. With one last look at each other, they both walked their separate ways.

* * *

 

The next day, when Clarke returned to her office after her lunch break, she saw an envelope laying on her desk. Opening it, she saw a key inside. Taking it out, the blonde started reading the letter it was sent with.

 

_Ai Skaifaya,_

_I know you rejected my offer of staying in our apartment, but the thought of you staying in some random hotel all on your own, doesn't sit well with me._

_I spent yesterday evening collecting a few essential items of my own and moved into the cabin I told you about. I left everything else as it was, so you could feel as comfortable as possible._

_By now you probably already figured out that the key I sent you is for our apartment door. Just think about it, my offer still stands. If you decide to not use it just give the key to Anya._

_I hope to see you again soon._

_Love,_

_Yu Heda_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation:  
> Ai Skaifaya = my star  
> Yu Heda = your commander  
> Trigedasleng = the native language of Trikru


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's having another dream/flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the delay, but my Beta was on vacation and I needed to make sure that the game Lexa and Bellamy are playing (it's a round of YuGiOh in case you're not familiar with it) wasn't too confusing and none-fans understood what's going on.  
> In my head Lexa and Bellamy didn't only bond over what happened to Clarke and protecting her (you'll find out about that in a future chapter) but also because they're both nerds, Lexa more so in secret only showing you that side of her personality when she trusts you.
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoy this update 😊

That evening, after she finished work, Clarke went back to the hotel she was staying at for the time being. Putting her purse on the kitchen counter, she pulled out the key and letter Lexa sent her earlier that day, debating what she should do.

_Should I move back in? I mean Lexa does have a point, the apartment does belong to me, too. Plus, it would save me a lot of money if I didn't have to pay for this crappy hotel room anymore._ Clarke argumented internally. _But… making Lexa move out of her own home, isn't fair to her either. What should I do?_ The blonde let out a sigh and started pacing the small room. _Then again, she said she'd move into her mom's cabin, which means she wouldn't have to pay extra money to stay somewhere else, like I am doing right now._

After pacing for a few more minutes, the young artist stood in front of the only window in her room. Looking down at the apartment key she was still holding in her hand, she formed a fist around it. Taking a deep breath she made a decision. _Alright! I'm doing it._

* * *

 

An hour later, the blonde had all of her belongings packed in a bag, checked out of the hotel and took an uber to drive to the address attached to the apartment key.

When she stood in front of the door, she took a few deep breaths to calm her nerves. _Why am I so nervous? I'm just returning home, it's not like I'm doing anything wrong._ Calling this place home felt weird and right at the same time. _Why shouldn't I call it that? It's where I have apparently been living for the last two years._

With shaking hands, Clarke opened the door. When she walked in, she froze after taking just a few steps inside. This place was full of warmth and love, it had a feel to it that just screamed _home._

The entrance leads right into the living room. There stood a recliner, a loveseat and a three seater sofa. In between the varying sitting accommodations stood a small coffee table. On the walls hung several photographs and even some drawings. A few shelves hung on the wall to her left, holding different kinds of movies, books, games, some pictures and other decorations. The shelves were surrounding a flat screen TV that was hung up on the wall. Underneath the TV was a little cupboard holding board games and games consoles. Next to the window on the opposite side of the entrance stood an easel. On the right hand side was the kitchen. It was separated from the living room by a kitchen counter with two chairs on either side of it.

Next to the kitchen was a little hallway leading to three doors. More pictures and paintings were hanging in the hallway. One door led to a small bathroom with a toilet, a sink and a shower. The door on the right side opened to a guest bedroom. The last door at the end of the hall led to the master bedroom. It had a king sized bed with a nightstand on either side of it. On each nightstand stood a little lamp and a picture frame. There was a build in wardrobe on the right wall and a dresser on the left side of the door. Next to the dresser was another door which led to an ensuite bathroom, it looked similar to the one in the hall except it was bigger and had a bathtub as well.

Clarke walked around the living room looking at the different pictures and paintings on the wall. She could tell that it was her own art that got hung up, some were abstract, some were portraits of her friend group and others of places she guessed they must have visited.

Looking at the photographs, she saw some of them were group pictures of their whole gang together, some with just a few of them but most were of her and Lexa. In one picture they seemed to be sitting at a table in a cafe, which from the looks of it Clarke determined to be Dropship. In another her and Lexa stood at a beach with the sun setting behind them, Lexa had her arms wrapped around her from behind with her head on the blonde's shoulder, both of them had a big smile on their face. The last picture the blonde looked at was of the both of them kissing, from the background decorations it looked like they were at last year's New Year's party.

_We look so happy in these photos._ The blonde mused. _But are they real? It's so easy to fake pictures via photoshop. But… Lexa doesn't seem like the kind of person to do something like that._

Walking down the little hallway, Clarke took a look at each room. When she reached the master bedroom, she left her bag at the door and sat down on the bed, scooting back until her back reached the middle of the headboard. She took the pictures from both nightstands and looked at them. The one in her left hand was a photograph of her and Lexa hugging, while the blonde was hiding her face in Lexa's neck, who was kissing her temple, both had smiles on their faces. The other was of Lexa kissing her forehead while giving a bouquet of flowers and a little gift box. On the box was a little card saying "Happy First Anniversary".

_All of this can't be fake, can it? I mean all these nice gestures, this place, the pictures and just the way Lexa behaves around me. I just don't know what to think anymore._

Glancing at her watch the blonde saw it was already 10pm, deciding to no longer delay unpacking, she put the frames back in their places and opened her bag. When she opened the closet she just knew which section belonged to her and she put the little clothes she brought along on the same side. Looking at the other side of the closet she could see the gaps where some of Lexa's clothes used to be. Knowing she is the reason the brunette had to leave her own home, pulled at her heartstrings.

After taking a shower, Clarke decided to head to bed, she had the morning off the next day, but still had to go to work in the afternoon. When her head hit the pillow, she smelled something woody and fresh like the forest. _That must be Lexa's scent. It's so calming._ Not long after, the blonde fell asleep.

 

**Dream**

_Their whole friend group had come together for their monthly get together. They were in a house in the woods that Clarke couldn't recognize. The booze was flowing, the music blasting and everyone was having a good time. That is, until Bellamy stood up with a serious look on his face and approached a brunette woman._

_It was the same green eyed woman from her previous dreams, but this time Clarke could see the clothes she was wearing clearly._ Why can't I see her face? Who is she?

"I challenge you to a duel!" _Bellamy said._

_Octavia let her head drop and face palmed._ "Urgh. Not this again. Bell, when will you finally get it inside your thick skull that you can't beat her? You've been trying for years."

_Bellamy turned toward his sister with a smug look on his face._ "That might be true, but now I have something she can't win against!"

"And what might that be?" _the faceless woman asked._

_The smirk on Bellamy's face got bigger._ "This here!" _He pulled a card out of his pocket showing it to her._ "The _Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon!_ Let's see how you handle this one! Or are you too scared of it, scaredy-cat?"

_The woman let out a short chuckle, a confident aura surrounding her._ "Alright, I accept your challenge. But don't start crying after I kick your ass."

_After the brunette got out her own deck and they cleared the coffee table, each of them sat on opposite sides of it. Their friends either sitting or standing around them._

"Oh man, I always look forward to Bellamy getting his ass kicked at our gatherings!" _Jasper laughed._

"You ready?" _The woman asked. Bellamy only nodded, his whole focus being on the match ahead of him._

"Duel!" _Both of them called at the same time._

"My turn!" _the woman said._ "I set two cards face down and summon one monster in defense position. Your turn Bell-boy."

"Don't call me that! I summon my _Axt Raider_ and attack your monster! Now, how's that?"

_The woman chuckled._ "You're so predictable. I knew that's what you were gonna do. You took my bait and stepped right into my trap. The monster I set was my _Elemental Hero Clayman_. His defense is 2000, which means you lose 300 life points."

"Damn it! I end my turn." _Bellamy grumbled._

"Alright, my turn!"

_20 minutes later, they were still going at it. Bellamy was convinced he was about to win, since he had three_ Blue-Eyes White Dragon _on his field and still 3700 life points remaining, while his opponent only had 200 life points left and one monster card face down and one_ Elemental Hero Neos Alius _in defence position on her field._

_As he drew his card he started laughing._ "Hah! I knew it! I knew today _I_ would beat _you_ for the first time! I play _Polymerization_ and using my three _Blue-Eyes White Dragon_ I summon my _Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon_ ! _Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon_ attack her hidden monster!" _He laughed even more, being so sure of his win._ "One more round! Just one more round and you're done for!"

_Seeing that the woman didn't react to his taunting, Bellamy stopped laughing._ "What? Why are you smirking? Didn't you hear me? One more turn and this game is over."

"You're right. After my turn this game will be over" _the woman said smugly._ "But I won't be the one losing. You forgot about my remaining hidden card which I played at the beginning of our duel."

"What?!"

"I activate my trap card! _Wall of Disruption_ ! Your dragon loses 800 attack points, leaving it at 3700. I still lose my _Neo-Spacian Air Hummingbird_ , but that is ok, it's all part of my plan." _Sending her monster to the graveyard she added_ "Thanks buddy. Neither your sacrifice nor that of the others will be in vain."

_A weird gleam came into her eyes._ "My turn! Prepare to lose!" _She drew a card and looked at it._ "Perfect. Just what I needed. I activate the special effect of my _Neo Space Pathfinder_ , by sending it to the graveyard I can take one _Neo Space_ from my deck and I play it right away. Next, I activate the effect of my _Elemental Hero Neos Alius_ and summon him again, thus renaming him into _Elemental Hero 'Neos'_ and thanks to _Neo Space_ he now gains 500 extra attack points, making it 2400."

_Bellamy furrowed his brows._ "He's still not strong enough to beat my dragon though."

"I'm not finished yet. I play the spell card _Neos Fusion_! It allows me to special summon a fusion monster that lists _Elemental Hero Neos_ as fusion material from my extra deck and I choose _Elemental Hero Brave Neos_! All I have to do is send my original _Elemental Hero Neos_ and _Elemental Hero Captain Gold_ from my deck to the graveyard. Thanks to _Neo Space_ , he too, gains 500 extra attack points, but that's not all! For every _Elemental Hero_ or _Neo-Spacian_ monster in my graveyard he gets another 100 attack points. Now he's got 3500, still not enough to beat your dragon, but with this card here he will. I activate _Banner of Courage_ , it raises the attack points of each of my monsters by 200 when they attack."

_Bellamy ground his teeth._ "But if you attack my dragon, you will lose your _Brave Neos_ too."

"You're right. If it weren't for the second effect of _Neos Fusion_ . By banishing it from the game I can keep my _Brave Neos_ . Afterwards I use my other _'Neos'_ to attack your life points directly leaving you at 1300. No matter what card you play next, I win."

_Laying his cards down, Bellamy let his head drop._ "I give up."

"You're not the only one who got new cards, Bell-boy" the woman taunted. "But unlike you, I didn't brag about them, thus resulting in revealing my strategy. I admit, what I did was risky, but in the end it got me the result I wanted." 

_Clarke walked towards the woman and sat down on her lap._ "Another incredible duel by my Queen of Games" _she said leaning in to kiss her._

_Pulling back from the kiss the blurry faced woman said_ "The only queen here is you Clarke. My queen." _before kissing her one more time. This one more passionate than their previous kiss._

**End Dream**

 

Opening her eyes, the blonde saw sunlight streaming in through the window. Turning to look at the clock it read 8am. _Still got six hours before work._ Stretching, she got out of bed and walked towards the kitchen where she made herself a cup of coffee.

_Another weird dream that felt more like a memory. If only I knew who that woman is…_ Leaning back against the kitchen counter, she sipped on her coffee while looking at the easel across the room. _Why not? It helped me before too._

Walking over, she sat her cup down on the windowsill before taking a seat on the stool herself. Taking out some of the drawing utensils that were stored underneath the easel, she started drawing the image of Bellamy sitting opposite of the faceless woman playing a round of _YuGiOh_ while the rest of their group surrounded them.

Three hours later, the blonde was finished with the painting but still unable to put a finger on who this woman could be. Deciding she had to distract herself in another way, she got dressed and pulled out her phone.

"Hey. I know it's kind of sudden but do you have time for an early lunch?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess who the person Clarke is calling is? You'll get a cookie 🍪 If you get it right 😁


	19. Note

Hello readers,

I'm sorry this isn't an update.

I just wanted to let you all know this week's update will be a day or two late. My Dad had to go to the hospital today because he broke his leg and needs to undergo surgery.

I will try to finish chapter 19 asap and post it once my beta looked it over.

Again, I'm sorry for not updating. I will delete this note once the chapter gets posted

Thank you for understanding.


	20. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I want to thank all of you for the well wishes for my dad. Considering the circumstances he doing ok, the surgery went well bug he'll need a wheelchair for the next few weeks/months.  
> Second of all it cookie time: the only ones getting the right answer were Outofthegarden and Malexandria. Here's a cookie fof each of you 🍪🍪  
> Last but not least I know the chapter is short, K hope you guys can understand that my mind was someplace else. Regardless I felt guilty for not bring able to update I'll try to do better 😔

At 11:50 AM Clarke was sitting in a small restaurant, sipping on her iced tea idly, waiting for her companion to arrive. When the waitress came to her table again she ordered herself a salad with steak strips, when it arrived ten minutes she started eating while looking at her watch from time to time.  _ What's taking him so long? He was supposed to get here 20 minutes ago… _

When the clock hit 12:15 PM, a disheveled young man came to her desk. "I'm sorry I'm so late, Clarke. I was in the middle of something when you called."  _ Quite literally I might add. _ "I tried to come as fast as possible."

"It's ok, I know I called you unexpectedly, I'm just glad you could make it, Finn." The blonde said with a soft smile on her face. "I hope you don't mind me starting to eat without you?"

"Of course not, Clarke. I don't have enough time to eat here anyway I have to get back to work soon, my break is almost up" the brown haired man said, reaching over to lay his hand on hers. When the waitress came to their table again, he ordered himself a coke. "You said you wanted to talk about something, so what's on your mind?"

Clarke let out a deep sigh. "There's so much going on right now… I just don't know what to think anymore."

"Hey, it's ok. You can talk to me about anything you need, you know that, right?" Finn interlaced their fingers and started rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb.

The blonde smiled at him softly. "Thanks, Finn. I knew I could count in you. It's just… everything is so confusing. I don't know the person I became over the last seven years yet and everyone expects me to be that person. I thought my mom was trying to look out for me, but as it turned out it was  _ her  _ trying to get control of my life, that's why I moved out."

"I see" the brown haired make hummed.  _ So Abby's plan backfired that means I'm on my own now. _

"But that's not all. My friends made up a story to trick her into letting me see them. Well I guess made up isn't accurate, more like twisted some facts. At least that is what Lexa told me and for some reason I believe her. Still, I don't know if I can trust them anymore, what if they lie to me more? First I need to figure out who I am and what I want."

Finn nodded. "I agree, you have to clear your head first."  _ So she's in contact with Lexa? That doesn't make things any easier for me. _

Sighing again, the young artist continued. "Yeah, I wish it were that easy. I keep having these weird dreams that keep messing with my head."

"What dreams?" Finn asked frowning.

"I don't know, they kinda feel like memories. They all have one thing in common. There's this faceless woman in them, at first I could only see her eyes, now only her face is missing. I just can't figure out who she is…" Clarke started playing with her napkin. "We seem to be really close, we keep kissing each other in my dreams. In the first dream I had of her we even talked about getting married, having kids, getting a dog and buying our own house. I just want to know who she is."

_ Could it be…? _ The frown on Finn's face deepened, before he managed to put on a neutral expression again. "I'm sure it's not that deep. Like you said, you're really confused right now, so I wouldn't put too much thought into these dreams."

"You think so? I don't know… Something tells me I need to get to the bottom of it, maybe this way I could regain my memory" the blonde said, looking out of the window next to her.

Finn shot Clarke another charming smile. "If that's what you want to do, I'll support you" he said.

"Thank you, this really means a lot" the blonde replied, giving his hand a squeeze.

"Anytime." Standing up, he walked around the table and bent down to give Clarke a kiss on the corner of her mouth. "I'm really sorry I have to cut this short, but my break is over. Thank you for trusting me with this. I'll call you soon." With that he left the restaurant.

Clarke sat frozen in her seat, her fingers touching the spot he kissed her, a deep blush covering her face. "Bye" she mumbled to no one in particular.

Only after she waved down the waitress and receiving the bill, did she realize she'd have to pay for his drink too.  _ Oh well, it's just a coke. Besides, he seems to be the only person I can trust at the moment.  _


	21. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys first of all here's a lil update in my dad:  
> He's been released from the hospital on Wednesday. He Handles the wheelchair pretty well, we still have to adjust a few things though. He's as Hardheaded as ever.  
> Second of all I feel like I should explain why Clarke doesn't recognize Lexa in her dreams since it's confusing to some people: As a person working in the medical department I know that in some cases of amnesia the brain just doesn't let them connect some dots. Plus Clarke is still in denial, because the Lexa from the present is a stranger to her. To be honest she wasn't even that familiar with the past Lexa, since Abby always told her to stay away from her no matter how hard Jake tried to convince her otherwise. So both past Lexa and present Lexa are both practically strangers to her.  
> Huge shoutout to Battered_Pages for being one of the first persons to realize this their comment explains it all even better.  
> I hope that clears some of the confusion up.

A few more days passed and Clarke and Finn kept texting each other, but she was starting to miss her friends more and more. Clarke wasn't sure if she was ready to trust them fully yet, but she knew it was time to reach out to them.

 _Please don't push them away. Think about reaching out to Octavia and Raven, too, they feel really bad for hurting you._ Lexa's words echoed through her head. _Maybe it is time I try and start making amends with them._

 

**Clarkey**

Can we meet up?

 

The reply came immediately.

 

**Rae**

OMG! CLARKE!

I didn't expect you to talk to me ever again!

Yes of course we can meet up! Just tell me when and where.

 

The blonde chuckled at her friends reaction.

 

**Clarkey**

Technically, I'm not talking to you. We're texting.

**Rae**

Potato tomato.

So where you wanna meet?

**Clarkey**

How about Dropship Cafe? I'll meet you there in an hour.

Bring Octavia too.

**Rae**

Absolutely! We'll see you there.

* * *

 

An hour later as Clarke arrived at Dropship Cafe, she could see both Raven and Octavia waiting for her at a table. When the Latina noticed their friend walking towards them, she jumped out of her seat and ran the remaining meters as fast as she could with the brace on her leg.

Reaching the blonde, she enveloped her friend in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, Clarke. We never meant to hurt you. Thank you, for giving us another chance." 

After getting released from the hug, Clarke looked at the table her friends were sitting at and saw Octavia standing there with an apprehensive look on her face. Opening her arms she waved the dark haired girl over. "Come here and give me a hug O."

That seemed to do the trick as Octavia rushed over and hugged her lifelong friend just as tight. "I never wanted to go along with that plan Clarke, you have to believe me" the youngest of the group begged teary eyed.

"I know, O" Clarke answered with a soft smile. Leading her distraught friend back to their seats she continued. "Lexa explained everything to me a week ago. I know you guys only tried to get past my mother. I won't lie and say it didn't hurt to be fooled like that, but I understand why you guys did it."

"You talked to Lexa about it?"

"Yes. She's also the one who asked me not to push you away. Lexa even suggested to put all the blame on her." 

"Clarke, no! Please don't blame her alone! It's something we decided to do as a group!" Raven hurried to make clear.

Clarke chuckled softly as she put a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Rae, relax. I'm not doing that either. Like I said before, i understand what made you all do this, hell i probably would've done the same."

Octavia looked confused. "Then why didn't you contact us sooner?"

Sighing, the blonde tried to explain the best she could. "I just needed time. After waking up in the hospital, I didn't recognize the person I am, I still can't completely. For me it was like I went to sleep as an 18 year old and woke up at age 25. So many things happened and changed that I needed to come to terms with them first. I've managed to accept some things but others are still overwhelming me. Though, even though I still need to deal some stuff, I missed you guys and I need you back in my life."

"I see. Take as much time as you need Clarke, just please, don't shut us out" Raven asked as Octavia nodded along.

Smiling Clarke replied. "I won't. You guys are like family to me, always have been and always will be."

Shortly after, a waitress came to their table to ask their orders. Octavia got a skinny latte while Raven ordered an americano. Clarke surprised herself again when she asked once again for a green tea with a hint of lemon. "I don't understand why I keep ordering this. I mean, I really like the taste of it, but I used to hate tea."

Octavia put a hand under her chin, smiling coyly. "You might want to blame Lexa for that one."

"What do you mean?"

Raven smirked. "A few weeks after you guys started dating, you came down with a really bad flu and Lexa took care of you. She stayed by your side day and night for almost two weeks. You had her at your beck and call. She told you that this is something her mom used to make her when she wasn't feeling well. Apparently, you liked the taste of it so much it's become one of your favorites. It's still the only tea you drink."

The blonde looked at her friends owlishly, blinking several times. _Lexa really did that for me?_ At that moment the waitress came back with their drinks.

The three girls sat together, drinking their beverages and catching up with each other. Raven and Octavia filled Clarke in on some of the things they've been up to the last few years, being considerate as not to dazzle her with too much information at once.

Two hours later, the friends had to separate seeing as Clarke had to go to work and Octavia having to prepare for her date with Lincoln later that day. All of them left the cafe feeling lighter, happy that their friendship is still going strong, and already planning to meet up again soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I mostly end the chapters with some one leaving the place it took part at. Probably cuz I feel like that "scene" is finished.


	22. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dear readers  
> Sorry for not posting last weekend, I couldn't get into contact with my beta cuz her phone broke and she couldn't receive her data until Friday.  
> BUT! To make it to all of you this week will be a DOUBLE update meaning you get both last week's and this week's chapter

At the same time as the three girls met at the cafe, Lexa, Anya and Lincoln took a break from their workout at the gym.

Twisting open the cap of her water bottle, Lexa turned to face her older sister. "Has she contacted you yet?"

"Not yet" Anya replied, wiping the sweat from her face with a towel.

Lexa hummed with a little smile tugging on her lips. Lincoln looked from one of his sisters to the other with confusion written all over his face.

"Who?"

"Clarke" Lexa informed him. "I met her a while ago at our favorite sandwich bar and we talked for a bit. She told me that her and Abby had a fall out the day Bellamy, Echo, Octavia and Raven went to visit her, it resulted in Clarke moving out of the house and into a hotel. I offered for her to live in our apartment, while I live in my mom's cabin. She refused at first, but the next day I sent her the key along with another note, saying that if she didn't want to accept it, to just give it to Anya. It seems like she changed her mind though, since Anya hasn't received the key yet."

"Wait? Clarke had a fight with Abby? You met her? And now she's staying in your shared apartment while you're living in the cabin? Why hasn't anyone informed me of all of this?" Lincoln asked with wide eyes.

"Sorry, Linc. I haven't seen you the past few days and work has been keeping me busy, so I haven't had the chance to tell you before."

Anya looked at her youngest sibling seriously. "What are you gonna do next Lex? What's your plan?"

"I plan to keep sending her more notes, turns out she's actually reading them, can you believe it?" the brunette said with a big grin. "Other than that, I'm not sure yet. I didn't plan on running into her, though I gotta admit it went way better than I could have hoped for and I hope to see her again soon. That reminds me, has she contacted either O or Rae yet? I asked her not to push them away since they aren't to blame for what happened."

"Not that I know of" Lincoln sufficed.

Anya nodded her head. "Actually, Raven texted me when we finished warm-ups. Clarke invited her and Octavia to lunch to talk things over. They should be doing just that right about now."

"Really? That's good to hear" Lexa smiled again. "I'm glad their friendship didn't fall apart over this."

Walking back over to the weights, the three siblings resumed their work out. "I wonder what Clarke's reaction was when she first saw our apartment again" the young lawyer mused.

"Why? You didn't change anything did you?" Anya wanted to know.

"No, I didn't, but Clarke doesn't remember ever living there. I left everything as it was in hope of her maybe recognizing something. If not, I at least wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible living there."

"That's very considerate of you" her brother commented.

They continued their training for another hour before hitting the showers and heading home.

* * *

Back in the cabin Lexa sat at the dining table, writing another note she would send to Clarke's gallery the next day.

 

_Ai Niron,_

_Today Anya told me you haven't given her the key to our apartment yet. I guess that means you're actually staying there? If so, I'm glad you changed your mind._

_I still remember the day we decided to move into it._

_The both of us were about to give up hope on ever finding a decent apartment that we could afford to pay the rent for while still attending college. Then, by sheer luck, you noticed the flyer of an apartment being available hanging in the school library. We didn't expect much of it when we called the landlord and set up an appointment. I mean can you blame us? Who advertises an apartment in a college library that isn't total shit, right?_

_So imagine our surprise, when we arrived at the address and discovered it was actually in a good neighborhood. Our surprise grew even more when we entered the apartment itself._

_It was way bigger and more spacious than we expected. The huge windows not only set the rooms ablaze with light, but they also offered a gorgeous view over Polis. I guess that's what you get for living on the 12th floor, right?_

_Anyway, the look in your eye when we first entered told me this is it. This is the apartment we would be living in. This is our home. You were already bursting with ideas as to how to decorate it, so it would represent both of our personalities._

_A week later, we were finally able to move in. Our friends helped us carry what little things we had at our dorms and what we picked up from our parents houses._

_Immediately, you started making your ideas become reality, once we finished unpacking. I must confess, I've never before felt as at home as I have in this apartment and I'm sure the same will apply to our future house, because you, Clarke Griffin, you are my home._

_Ai hod yu in, feva en otaim,_

_Yu Heda_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to change the to e of Lexa's notes to Clarke, because knowing Clarke actually reads them, makes Lexa be more open, upfront and honest with her feelings. Though she never tried to hide them she now has more hope in confronting Clarke with them
> 
> Translation:  
> Ai Niron = my love  
> Ai hod you in = I love you  
> Feva en otaim = forever and always  
> Yu Heda = your commander


	23. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second promised chapter  
> Bear with me. It was really hard for me to write this chapter *disgusted shudder*

Two weeks later, Clarke met up several times with Octavia and Raven, together and individually. Their friendship went back to the way it used to be. They weren't the only ones she kept meeting up with.

During those two weeks, Clarke also kept in touch with Finn. They went to lunch together a few times and kept texting or even calling each other. Yesterday, the brown haired boy sent her a message asking her out on a date.

 

**Finn**

Hey, are you free tomorrow night?

**Princess**

Yes.

Why?

**Finn**

I was just wondering if you want to go have dinner with me and maybe watch a movie afterwards?

 

Reading the message the blonde squealed in delight, rivaling her teenaged self.

 

**Princess**

OMG YES!

I mean… I'd love to

Where do you wanna go?

**Finn**

I was thinking we could go to that small Italian restaurant downtown?

**Princess**

That sounds lovely

**Finn**

Great!

I'll meet you there at 7PM

 

So here she was, trying to decide on what to wear. She ended up dressing in black skinny jeans and a light blue blouse that hugged her cleavage tightly and accentuated her eyes perfectly.

Walking over to her nightstand, she opened the drawer in which she had discovered a box of jewelry shortly after moving in. In the same drawer she kept the letters Lexa sent her. The one on top she received the day after she first rekindled her friendship with Raven and Octavia. Reading it, she could imagine herself walking into this apartment next to Lexa for the first time and falling in love with it right away, since the exact same thing happened about three weeks ago. She may not know what the words in Trigedasleng meant, but her heart kept on fluttering each time the blonde read them.

Opening the box, she took out a silver necklace with a star pendant on it. In the center of the star was a little emerald, that reminded her of the eyes of the faceless woman from her dreams. It's become her favorite necklace ever since she found it in the box.

Taking a glance at the clock on the wall, Clarke discovered she only had 20 minutes left before she had to leave for her date with Finn. Putting on the finishing touches on her makeup, she slipped on a pair of black high heels. After looking herself over one more time in the mirror, she fixed her hair once again.

 _I'm so nervous and I don't know why. It's not like I've never been on a date with Finn before. He used to be my boyfriend for crying out loud._ Deciding she looked good the way she was, Clarke grabbed her purse and jacket and left the apartment. 

* * *

Arriving at the restaurant, she couldn't see Finn anywhere, so she decided to wait outside for him. At 7:20PM she finally saw him coming.

"I'm so sorry I'm late again, Clarke. Work is keeping me really busy. I promise it won't happen again" he said, looking at her with his attempt of puppy eyes.

 _He says the same thing everytime we met up… I guess his job really is important._ The second time they saw each other, he told her he was a journalist for _Anything Important_ , short _A.I.,_ the biggest magazine in Polis. "It's okay, Finn. I understand that your job means a lot to you" Clarke said with a soft smile.

"Thanks, Clarke" he sighed relieved. "By the way, you look incredible." While saying this, he kept staring at her breasts.

Blushing, the blonde cleared her throat. "Thanks… Shall we go in?"

"Yes! Of course" With that, Finn walked into the restaurant first, not even bothering to hold the door open for her. Walking over, he greeted the man at the front desk like they've known each other for years. "Hey, Josh! How's it going?" He said, clapping the other guy on the shoulder.

"Spacewalker! Things are going great, how about you?" The man named Josh replied.

"I can't complain. I got this stunning lady to go out with me after all" Finn answered with a smug grin.

Josh looked Clarke up and down before leaning towards his friend, trying and failing to whisper in his ear. "Damn Bro, you're one lucky bastard. She's even hotter than the girl from last week." Clarke frowned hearing this. Standing up straight again he addressed both of them. "A table for two, I take it?" Receiving a nod from his male customer, he lead them towards a secluded table. "Here are your menus. One of our waiters will be with you shortly."

After he left, Clarke turned towards her date. "What did he mean 'hotter than the girl from last week'?"

Finn's eyes widened in panic. "You heard that?" Getting a nod he continued. "Last week, I had a meeting here with a client, he must've been talking about her." Finn tried to smile, but his face was tense, making it almost look like he was in pain.

Clarke only hummed in reply. Shortly after, the waiter came and took their orders. During dinner they kept up small talk, filling each other in on everything that happened in their lives recently.

When they were waiting for their desert, Finn tried to hold Clarke's hand, but the blonde flinched away as soon as his fingers brushed the back of her hand. He looked at her perplexed, but all she could see in that moment were brown eyes that were once filled with warmth staring back at her with anger and resentment. Shaking her head, the blonde tried to clear the image from her mind.

"Clarke, are you alright?" He asked concerned.

"Ye-yeah. I don't know what came over me just now, but I'm ok" Clarke smiled shakily.

When it came to paying the bill, Finn started patting his pockets frantically. "No. This can't be!" His eyes were as wide as saucers. "My wallet! I lost it! My credit card, ID and driver's license! It was all in there!"

"Are you serious? When was the last time you saw it?"

"The last time I had it was when I left my apartment. I must have lost it on the way here!"

"Ok. I'll handle the bill and if you want we can go looking for it. You should better cancel your credit card just to be save."

"Are you sure? I don't want to cause you any unnecessary trouble. I did invite you to this date, so it should be me paying. I'll just ask Josh if he can put it on a tab for once, at least until I have some money again."

"Nonsense Finn. You know I never cared about things like that. It's no trouble at all." Clarke said, laying down enough money to pay for both of their meals and leaving a tip.

"Thank you, Princess this really means a lot" he smiled.

"Don't call me that!" the young artist snapped. They both looked at each other with shocked faces. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me…"

Finn put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, it's ok. You're probably still stressed over everything happening in your life right now. Let me walk you home, I'll look for my wallet on my own afterwards".

Clarke nodded and together they started walking in the direction of her home.

* * *

When they reached the door to the blonde's apartment complex, they looked at each other. "Thank you for tonight, Finn. I had a really good time with you."

"Me too, Clarke. And thank you for taking care of the bill, I promise next time will be on me." he smiled charmingly.

Clarke smiled back at him. They both started leaning in towards each other at the same time. Just as their lips were about to brush against the other's, there was a sudden slapping sound of skin hitting skin.

Finn's head whirled to the side, giving him a whiplash. Turning his face back to look at the blonde in front of him, he held his throbbing cheek.

Clarke was frozen in shock, staring at her left hand that she was still holding in the air. _What-what did I do? Why did I slap him?_ "Finn… I-"

His eyes darkened slightly, even though he forced another smile in his face. "It's ok. I'm sorry for overstepping. I guess I read some signs wrongly. I hope you still want to go out with me again soon?"

The blue eyed girl nodded. "Ye-yes. Good night, Finn." Still in shock, Clarke walked through the door and into the elevator at the end of the hall riding up to the the 12th floor.

What she didn't know though, was that Finn's face malicious as soon as she was out of sight. Turning he waved down a cab and told the driver his address. _Soon Clarke, you'll be mine again and this time I will have_ ALL _of you, not even your precious Lexa can save you from me._ Reaching his destination, he pulled out his wallet and payed the driver before getting out of the car.


	24. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a lighter chapter this time

It was Sunday morning and like she did on every third Sunday of the month, Lexa found herself sitting in Harper's cafe, Dropship, to eat some breakfast. The brunette was sitting at a small table in the corner. When she heard the bell ring, indicating the arrival of another customer, from the corner of her eye she saw a stunning blonde haired woman walk inside. Turning, to get a better look of the woman, Lexa felt her heart flutter. _She's so beautiful._

Standing up, the lawyer walked over to the woman and with a smile on her face said "I guess today you are doing the stalking, huh, Clarke?"

Said blonde turned around at hearing her name. "Lexa?"

"Would you mind joining me at my table? I just got here a few moments ago myself and some company would be nice, especially one as beautiful as you" Lexa knew she was coming on strong, but it's been almost three weeks since she last saw her and the knowledge that Clarke read her notes and lived in their shared apartment again gave her hope.

Blushing, Clarke looked at Lexa for a moment, deciding on what to do. _I only planned on grabbing a coffee to go and maybe a muffin and then be on my way again, but… We did have a good time the last time we ate together. Plus I did kinda miss her._ "Sure, I've got some time" the young artist replied with a smile of her own.

"Great! I'm sitting just over there. I haven't ordered yet either." Together they walked to the table Lexa mentioned and sat opposite each other. Not long after, a waitress, who just so happened to be their friend Harper, came to take their orders while Clarke was still looking over the menu.

"Good morning, Clexa" Harper said with a wink. Their friend group had taken to calling them 'Clexa' ever since they got together. It had been Raven's idea, claiming that addressing them individually was just a waste of energy since they were practically joined at the hip all the time. "It's really good seeing you guys together here again, it's been a while. So, what can I get two of my favorite customers?"

"We'll take the usual. Thanks Harp." Lexa answered beaming at her friend. Nodding, the cafe owner left them to go get their breakfast ready.

"What's a _'Clexa'_?" Clarke asked with an adorably confused expression on her face.

Lexa chuckled sheepishly, scratching the back of her neck. "Oh that… well, Raven came up with it when we first started dating. It's kinda our ship name, you know? It's both of our names put together. Just like we call Lincoln and Octavia 'Linctavia', it's a nickname."

"Oh… that's… actually kinda cute." Hearing this Lexa let out a relieved sigh. "What did she mean it's been a while since we both came here together?"

"You and I made it a tradition to come here for breakfast every third Saturday of the month ever since Harper opened this place up, always ordering the same meal consisting of- Oh! Here it comes already." True to her word, there was Harper placing their food in front of each of them. Clarke got a plate full of strawberry waffles and a coffee with a bit of milk in it and Lexa received a plate of blueberry pancakes and a latte macchiato with a hint of vanilla.

"Bon appetit" Harper wished them before disappearing again to serve a different table.

"This looks delicious" Taking a bite, Clarke let out a deep moan. "And it tastes even better."

Suddenly Lexa started choking on the bite of pancake in her mouth. Alarmed, Clarke got out of her seat and started patting Lexa on the back. Concerned blue eyes met wide green ones "Are you ok?"

Clearing her throat, Lexa replied "Yeah, just went down the wrong pipe." _That sound… One day, this woman will be the death of me._

"If you say so" Looking at the brunette with concern once more, Clarke sat back down in her seat.

Halfway through their meal Clarke asked "Why did you stop sending me notes Lexa? The last one I received was when you found out that I'm living in your… I mean _our_ apartment."

Lexa looked deeply into the blue eyes opposite her. "You said you needed some time on your own to come to terms with everything. I was merely respecting your wishes. I have to admit though, I'm glad to hear you let O and Rae back into your life and that you guys are rekindling your friendship." 

"You used different words in Trigedasleng that time. What was it? 'Neon'? And 'hold in fever'? What do they mean?"

Lexa looked out of the window with a slight blush covering her cheeks and a shy smile on her lips. "They were 'Ai Niron' and 'Ai hod yu in, feva en otaim'. As to what they mean, well, I don't know if you're ready to hear that yet."

Clarke pouted before dropping the topic. "Tell me something about yourself. You seem to know everything about me, but I know next to nothing about you."

Lexa hummed. "What do you wanna know?"

"Everything. Tell me everything about you."

"Well, my name is Lexa Woods. No, it's not short for Alexandria or something like that, just Lexa. I'm 25 years old and my birthday is July 1st. I've never known who my father is and my mother's name was Becca Woods. She died in a bank robbery when I was 5 years old. After that I spent a year in a foster group home, that's also where I met Anya. After that year, uncle Gus came back from being departed overseas and adopted both of us."

Clarke looked at Lexa with wide eyes. _This sounds familiar. The woman in my dreams told me something similar to this, but… It can't be, can it? Should Lexa really be the faceless woman I keep dreaming of?_ Shaking her head the blonde tried to refocus on what the young lawyer was telling her.

Seeing the expectant look on the brunette's face, Clarke knew she missed something. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

An understanding smile came across Lexa's face. "I asked, if you wanted to go on a walk with me so we could continue this conversation, seeing as we're both finished with breakfast?"

Glancing at the table, the blonde saw, that in fact, both of the plates were empty and that Lexa put enough money on the table, to cover both of their meals. "Lexa" she whined. "You gotta stop doing that." Looking up, Clarke noticed that the brunette already left the table and was waiting for her at the door with a self-satisfied smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to split Clarke and Lexa's interaction into 2 chapters, so next week's chapter will be picking up where this one left ended
> 
> Translation:  
> Ai Niron = my love  
> Ai hod yu in = I love you  
> Feva en otaim = forever and always


	25. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Clexa time

The two girls were walking through the park, side by side. Lexa kept telling Clarke whatever little things the blonde wanted to know about her.

"What's your favorite color?"

The answer was immediate. "Blue. Just like your eyes."

Clarke blushed once again at receiving the compliment. "Favorite dish?"

"Indra's lasagna. You have to try it next time she makes it. You'll fall in love with it again."

"Hobbies?"

The brunette hummed. "There are a lot of things I like to do. I like reading, going to the gym and working out with my siblings, watching you draw and kicking Bellamy's ass in games" she finished with a smirk.

"How did that come to be anyway?" Clarke asked confused.

"What do you mean?"

"You and Bell. Back in high school you guys couldn't stand each other's guts, but now? Now you seem like really close friends."

Lexa's face turned serious as she looked down at the path they were walking on. "Let's go somewhere a bit more private."

Lexa led them of the path and through some bushes and up a small hill. "Where are we going?" Clarke wanted to know, sounding concerned.

The young lawyer turned face her over her shoulder, sending Clarke a soft, reassuring smile. "You'll see." They continued walking up the hill in silence.

A few minutes later, they reached the top of the hill, where a single oak tree stood. From the hilltop you had a beautiful view over Polis. "Wow" the blonde gasped. "This place is beautiful. And the view, it's incredible! How did you find this place? It doesn't look like a lot of people come here."

"I didn't find this spot" the brunette started. "You did. You told me you found it shortly after your father died and that I was the first person you showed it to. Whenever you need some time for yourself, this is where you go."

Humming, Clarke took a seat under the oak tree. "I can understand why."

Sitting down next to her, Lexa picked up their earlier conversation. "You wanted to know how Bell and I became friends?" After receiving a nod she continued with a chuckle. "Well, you're right about the both of us not getting along during High School. Don't tell Bellamy this, but I used to be jealous of him. He got to be close to you and be your friend, while you wouldn't even look at me. As you know, he's always been very protective of you, after all, he's kinda like the big brother of everyone in our friend group. I guess he saw me as some kind of threat to you, since you kinda did try to keep me as far away from you as possible and he picked up on that. After you broke up with Finn and… and…" Lexa was struggling with her words.  _ How can I explain this to her? I don't think she's ready to hear it yet, I doubt Clarke would even believe me. _

"And what?" the blonde prodded.

Taking a deep breath, Lexa continued. "I… don't know how to say this… Not long after your break-up something happened to you. I'm glad I was nearby and got to you in time. Thinking of the possible things  _ he _ could have and would have done to you still makes my blood boil and my skin crawl. Only the core group of our friends, consisting of you, Lincoln, Octavia, Bellamy, Echo, Anya, Raven and I, knows about what really happened that day. You didn't want the others to worry, so to this day we never told them anything about it."

Clarke could see in the green eyes the amount distress and anger Lexa was feeling remembering the incident.  _ I wonder what happened to me? What happened that's still torturing her this much. _

"After that, I guess you could say Bellamy realized that I never meant any harm to you, that I would never let anything bad happen to you and we started talking more. Once I was comfortable enough with him, I let my inner nerd show around him and we discovered that we like the same things." Grinning broadly she added. "One of our favorite games to play together is YuGiOh and so far Bell-boy has never managed to beat me in it. That doesn't mean he ever gives up trying." Lexa finished with a laugh.

The blonde gasped.  _ What? YuGiOh? But… that's the game the faceless woman played with Bellamy in my dream and she called him Bell-boy, too. _

Seeing the wide eyed look on the other woman's face, Lexa stopped laughing. "Clarke? You ok?"

Snapping out of her trance, Clarke shook her head. "Wha-? Yeah, I'm ok. Say, what is it that happened to me that day? It must have been something really bad for it to still bother you this much."

Lexa looked into the distance, a dark shadow seemingly falling over her face. "I don't think you're ready to hear it yet. Just know that it is one of the three worst days in my entire life. The others being when my mom was killed in front of me and when Jake died in that accident because he insisted on driving me home." Clenching her fists and jaw, Lexa tried to hold back the tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

Seeing the agony her companion was feeling, Clarke decided to change the topic. "So… you enjoy being a creep and watching me while I draw?" she teased.

Lexa sputtered, a deep blush covering her cheeks. She knew what the blonde was doing and she appreciated it greatly. "What?! No! I'm not being creepy at all! I just really love the way you become so focused in your art. The passion you feel for it fills up your surroundings and I just can't help but be drawn to it."

Clarke started laughing at the brunette's reaction. She was glad to have managed to get her in a better mood again.

The two spent another hour talking under the tree, getting to know each other again. Lexa's phone buzzed, indicating that she got a message.

 

**Mom**

Remember that you and your siblings wanted to help me go through some of your old stuff today.

No copping out!

 

"Damn it. I was hoping she would forget about it. Sorry, Clarke, as much as I would love to stay here and talk with you some more, but my mom asked me to help her out with something today."

"It's ok, we can do this again some other time" Clarke replied with an understanding smile.

"Thanks, Clarke and I would love to."

When they reached the parking lot of the cafe again, Lexa called out to Clarke before she could drive away. "Hey, Clarke, wait up!"

"What is it?"

"I almost forgot that we're having our monthly get together next Saturday at Ahn and Rae's place. It would be nice if you could make it."

"Next Saturday? I don't think I've anything planned yet. I'd love to come."

"Awesome! I'll see you around. Bye, Clarke." With that Lexa leant towards the blonde and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Smiling, they both waved at each other one last time before getting into their cars and driving off.


	26. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,  
> Sorry for updating so late once again. I had (actually still have) a really bad flu, which rendered unable to write. But my fever broke a few days ago and I'm not as sensitive to bright lights anymore. Now that I'm able to somewhat concentrate again I wanted to deliver this chapter to you ASAP.  
> Hope you enjoy reading it, it one of the lighter ones giving us an inside to the Woods family dynamic, before ⚠️WARNING⚠️ things get dark again soon.

Arriving at her parents' house, Lexa got out of the car and walked towards the door. Before she could open it, it was yanked open from the inside and Anya greeted her with a blank face.

"You forgot about it, didn't you?"

"No" Lexa stretched the word out. "But I was hoping Mom would forget about it" she mumbled under her breath.

"Didn't we all?" Lincoln asked, as he walked down the stairs to greet his sister with a bear hug, lifting her off the ground. "How's my favorite lil sis?"

"I'm your only younger sister Linc" the brunette replied with a smirk on her face and rolling her eyes, unable to hide her amusement. "I'm good though, how are you?"

"You two just saw each other yesterday, how much could have changed since then?" Anya interrupted, sounding annoyed.

"Obviously your grumpiness hasn't changed in the last 20 years Ahn." Lexa teased.

"Pah!" the dirty blonde grumbled, starting to walk up the stairs. Hearing both of her younger siblings laughing behind her, she huffed even more. "I'm getting too old for this."

Once they reached the top of the stairs, they climbed up a ladder to the attic, where there were greeted by a bear of a man with a long graying beard. "There's my little warrior! How you doing kiddo?"

Being lifted of the ground for the second time within five minutes, Lexa laughed and patted his back. "It's good to see you to Dad. I'm sorry for not coming by sooner but there's been a lot going on lately."

"Enough chitchat. Get to work!" A dark skinned, short haired woman ordered from further in the back of the attic. "We've wasted enough time waiting as it is!"

"Yes, ma'am!" The other four adults replied, standing up straighter.

Greeting her step-mother with a kiss on the cheek, Lexa apologized. "Sorry for being late Mom, something unexpected happened and I got held up."

"Well, it better have been good" the older woman said, raising an expectant brow.

Starting to go through one of the boxes in front of her, Lexa answered with a smile. "I went to have breakfast at Dropship like usual, but this time I met Clarke there and we started talking. She wanted to get to know who I am again, so we took a walk through the park and I showed her the special place she goes to when she wants to be alone. Do you think her going there is a sign that she's regaining her memories? Or was it just a coincidence that Clarke was there today?"

Indra had a smile of her own on her face listening to her daughter. "I'm glad you and Clarke are starting to get closer again, Lexa. I'm not sure if she's regaining her memories or not, but I'm sure that whatever you're doing is helping her." Pausing shortly she continued. "I talked to a friend of mine who is a neurologist. He said it is possible for Clarke to recognize some things, but that she could be unable to connect them to the things she remembers. You have to keep in mind that right now Clarke may have the body of her 25 year old self, but in her mind she's 18 again. Seeing so many drastic changes in her surroundings, could cause her to go into denial when it comes to putting one and one together."

Before Lexa could reply to her mother, she heard her name being called by her brother. "Hey, Lex! Look what I found!"

Walking over towards him, she looked over Lincoln's shoulder and gasped. In his hand was a picture of Becca holding a small pink bundle in her arms, while smiling brighter than the sun itself. She looked exhausted, but still as beautiful as ever, with a glow emanating from her very being, all the while happy tears were rolling down her cheeks. Looking at the small package in her arms, Lexa realized it was herself as a baby. Wide green eyes were looking at the world around her in wonder. Short brown locks were sticking out from under a bright pink baby cap on her head.

"I took this photograph shortly after you were born. Becca was so happy when she found out she was pregnant with you. She was so proud of you since the day you were born and I'm sure she would be proud of the person you are now and everything you've accomplished in life and the things that are still ahead of you" Gustus said from behind Lexa, putting a warm hand on her shoulder. "Never once did she have a doubt in mind about giving birth to you and raising you, even after your father left. Becca has loved, no _loves_ , you more than life itself, never forget that Lexa. As long as you remember that, she'll always live on inside of you."

Sniffing, Lexa brushed away the tears from her eyes. "I've never seen this picture before. If you don't mind, I'd like to take it with me."

"Of course. It's yours if you want it" Indra said with a soft look on her face.

They kept on looking through boxes, reminiscing over long forgotten memories. They found old pictures of both Lincoln and Lexa as babies playing together back when Becca was still alive, along with an album of their first vacation as a five-person family.

"Oh my god, Anya your face!" Lexa and Lincoln were both crying tears from laughter at seeing their big sister as an 8 year old looking disgusted at the wet sand underneath her bare feet.

"It was my first time at a beach, okay?! I didn't know the water would be this cold or that the sand would stick between toes like that!" The dirty blonde's face was red from embarrassment.

"Or that a wave could knock her over" Lincoln whispered in the ear of his younger sister resulting in a new round of giggles, for which they received a dirty glare.

They were almost finished when Lexa came upon an unopened box with a lot of dust collected on top of it. "I wonder what's in here." Opening it she found the box was filled with leather bound books. "What are these?" Taking one out, she started looking through it.

"They look like Rebecca's old diaries" Indra explained, examining one herself. "I completely forgot we had them. We wanted to give them to you with the rest of her belongings when you turned 18, but I guess we put this box so far into the back we simply forgot it existed. I apologize Lexa."

"It's ok. I would like to take that box with me too, so I can read them. Maybe I'll find out something new about my mother."


	27. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit more information on who Lexa's mother was AND we find out who her father is and why he's not in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my longer chapters about 3k words long.  
> Btw I looked up date I used in the diaries to know what weekday it was so the entries are all possible.

In the coming days, whenever she had freetime, Lexa would sit down with one of her mother's books to read. While looking through them, she discovered not all of the books were diaries, some were notes Becca collected, either about Trikru or about some medical researches she made.

The very first entry in the first diary was written a few days after her mom's 15th birthday.

 

**_November 24 1978_ **

_ Today my parents took Gustus and me to see our grandparents. Since we turned 15 last Wednesday, we are now considered adults according to old Trikru customs, so they wanted to throw a 'coming of age' like party for us. _

_ Unlike me, Gustus never bothered much to learn about our ancestors. For as long as I can remember, I've always asked my grandmother to tell me us much as possible about our tribe, sadly she doesn't know much about our history, besides what is public knowledge, because most of the informations got lost over the decades. She did give me some old written records of our clan, the only downside to them is they're all in Trigedasleng. She taught me the language as best as she could, which I had to admit were only the basics but I managed to teach myself how to read, speak and write it correctly. _

_ That's how I found out that our family name 'Woods' came from when the settlers first came to America. One of Trikru's most loyal allies, Floukru, the Boat People, who lived at the coast, informed our chief of that time about people coming in ships from the sky. (I feel like I should mention that back then my ancestors believed that the earth they were living on ended at the horizon and the settlers were from another word somewhere in the sky, that's why they named them Skaikru, the Sky people.) When the chief first came into contact with them she introduced our clan, but the settlers weren't able to pronounce Trikru correctly. After a lot of back and forth, they finally were able to get them to understand that it meant Wood Clan and after some time it was shortened to just 'Woods'. Go figure huh? _

_ Thanks to these records, I found out that there used to be 12 big clans, who were in constant war over the land. One of those clans was called Azgeda, they lived what is now known as Alaska. One of their descendants founded a school in Arkadia, that's why their school's team is named after the clan. Azgeda, also known as Ice Warriors, were Trikru's arch enemy. Each clan tried to gather as many allies as possible to fight the other. _

_ After many years of war and countless people dying, my great great great great great (well I guess you get the idea, it was a really long time ago) grandmother was named the leader of Trikru. Her name was Aleksandra kom Trikru and she believed that the clans should start to live in peace together. She changed our clans believe from 'Jus drein jus daun', which translates into 'Blood must have blood', to 'Jus no drein jus daun' 'Blood must not have blood', meaning she no longer wanted to let her people fight senseless fights, just because up until then they believed in it for that. It wasn't easy to convince the other tribe members of her new ideals, but after a while she managed to get more and more people on her side, even from other clans. _

_ There was one last big battle, in which most of the 12 clans united to fight against Azgeda and won. In the aftermath of that battle Aleksandra untitled all 12 clans and formed the Coalition, the Kongeda. That part is what everyone knows of the 12 clans, it's even being taught in school. For me, she's the greatest heroine I can think of. One day, when I have a daughter of my own, I'll name her after Aleksandra kom Trikru and I hope she'll be just half as courageous and fair as her. _

 

Lexa looked at the last paragraph wide eyed.  _ Mom named me after the former chief of our clan? After a heroine? I hope I could fulfill at least part of the wishes you had for me, Mom.  _ Closing her eyes, Lexa held back the tears she could feel burning behind her eyes in order to keep reading.

Another entry that stood out to Lexa was written around the time Becca graduated from high school.

 

**_June 18 1982_ **

_ Today is the day. Today, Gustus, Jake, Abby and I graduate from high school. _

_ It will be so weird not being able to see each other every day anymore. Sure Gustus and I will always be by each other's side, that's a given seeing as we're twins, even though soon he'll leave to join the army. (I still can't comprehend that he choose that path for himself.) And Abby and I will go to the same college to study medicine, her to become a surgeon and me to become a lab worker and create new medicines. Jake will go to Columbia to study engineering, he promised to come visit us whenever he is able too. _

_ I met Abby back in Kindergarten and we clicked right away. We always knew that we wanted to work in the medical department. Sure, we were interested in different sections, but we had the same goal: To help others. We've always pushed each other to our full potential. With her determination and resolve, she became a role model for me. There's a lot of things I'm thankful for to Abby, but I guess I never told her. I really need to let her know some day. _

 

At this, Lexa stopped reading for a moment.  _ What? I always thought Mom and Dr. Griffin couldn't stand each other, but here she makes it sound like they were friends? I don't understand this… _ Shaking her head, the brunette decided to keep reading, maybe she would find the answer.

 

_ In middle school Jake and his family moved to Polis. Him and Gustus became best friends right away, their mutual love for soccer and video games making sure of that. I could tell Abby had a crush on him right away, but, boys being boys, he was too oblivious to notice. Thanks to his friendship with Gus, Jake and I had gotten quite close too. He became like a brother to us and seeing as he was pretty interested in out tribe's history, he offered to help me out in my research. Sadly, during that time Abby started to distance herself from us. Nonetheless, I tried to help her and Jake, who admitted to having feelings for her but still didn't realize they were being reciprocated, to get closer to one another. Let me tell you it wasn't easy, but finally, FINALLY! Those two idiots opened their eyes in our Freshman year and have been dating ever since. I can't imagine how hard it will be for them to be apart for the next four years, but I know they'll pull through. _

 

Lexa was getting more and more confused.  _ Wait… so Mom helped Jake and Dr. Griffin get together? And all of them used to be friends? Why didn't Dad ever tell me about any of this? Then again, when he adopted me I was pretty closed of thanks to what Titus did and I was probably too young to understand any of it. Plus I only met Clarke in Elementary school and by then I didn't want to talk about Mom in Fear of opening up old scars. When I was finally ready to confront it, the accident happened and I couldn't even bear the thought of Jake. I was only able to start talking about the accident after Clarke and I made peace with it. I guess after that it just never came up. _

Right now, Lexa was reading in her mother's third diary. In this book she found out her father's name. His name is Marcus Kane. From what her mother wrote he seemed like a nice guy, but why would he leave them before she was even born?

 

**_January 1 1992_ **

_ I've been working at Ark Hospital for fivrme and a half years now and yesterday was our annual New Year's gala to try and collect donations from our sponsors or find new ones. _

_ This year's gala has been special, because I met a young, handsome man, named Marcus Kane. He is the son of a very wealthy businessman and owner of Eliguis Corp. He was really nice and we spent most of the evening together, talking about everything and nothing. Marcus said he plans on using his father's company to better the world after he takes it over, he wants to invest more in clean energy and stop Third World countries from starving. Maybe him, Abby and I can work together in the future to stop epidemics from spreading. _

_ I even invited him to our 'Happy Belated New Year' party this weekend. I feel like he'll fit into our group just fine. _

 

The young lawyer was amazed at what she read.  _ Mom… she really was one of a kind. She dedicated practically her whole life to make this world a better place. _

 

**_May 10 1992_ **

_ Yesterday Marcus and I had our first date together. He took me to this really fancy Italian restaurant. I told him I don't need fancy things in my life but he insisted that I, and I quote him here, 'deserve only the best in this world and even that isn't good enough'. I swear to god that guy is nuts but I still love him for it. _

_ That's right. I'm in love with Marcus Kane. And yes, I confessed to him last night. But here comes the best part: He loves me too!! I'm so happy, i can't wait to see him again! _

 

The brunette smile while reading this entry.  _ He was right Mom. You did deserve the best in the world. I'm glad you met a guy like him. _

 

**_November 12 1993_ **

_ Today is the happiest but also the saddest day in my life. _

_ The happiest because I found out I'm pregnant. Me and Marcus are expecting a child. This is everything I ever wanted. A man that I love and who loves me just as much, a successful career and we're about to start our own family. _

_ But… _

_ Marcus has to leave. He's going on an extended trip to Africa tomorrow, to help out the people living there. He's planned this trip for two months now. Of course, being the loving and selfless guy he is, Marcus offered to cancel his trip. I told him that that's not necessary. He'll be back in four months. I can manage until then. I just don't want to be the reason he isn't able to fulfill his dream. _

_ But another reason that this is the happiest day of my life is, that he asked me to become his wife. I know we've only been dating for one and a half years, but I just KNOW he's the right one for me. _

 

When she read this, Lexa had to put the book down for second.  _ That's him. He's my father. Marcus Kane is my biological dad, but… why did he never come back? I have to keep reading to find out. _

The next entry was in the form of a letter to her father.

 

**_February 22 1994_ **

_ Dear Marcus _

_ Today I went to my OB-gyn and found out the gender of our little angel. We're having a baby girl! Just a few more months and our little Lexa will see the light of day. You always said you didn't care whether it's a boy or girl as long as they're healthy, but I know deep down you were wishing for a girl. _

_ Oh, how I wish you could get to meet her when she's born. But sadly that will never happen. When I received the news two weeks ago, that you died in an ambush by a group of rogues, I was devastated. I didn't know how to go on in life. _

_ But Gustus reminded me that it isn't just about me anymore, I have to think about our child now. And for her and for you I will keep on fighting. I'll do my very best to make this world a better place for her to live in. _

_ I love you, Marcus now and forever. _

_ Oh, before I forget, remember our friends Abby and Jake? They're expecting a child to. It's due in October. Hopefully their child and our Lexa will become friends. Who knows? Maybe they'll even end up marrying each other. _

 

Not bothering to hold back her tears this time, Lexa let them flow freely.  _ He's dead? My father died and I never even got to get to know him. Don't worry, Mom you showed to always look for the good in people. And it wasn't easy but me and Clarke did end up becoming friends at some point and we even started dating 4 years ago. _

 

**_July 5 1994_ **

_ 4 days ago, on July 1, my little angel, my Lexa was  born. It's been the happiest I've been in a long time. But also the most exhausted. I knew taking care of an infant would be easy, but geez, she a little ball of energy and always hungry. I can't write much, since she's sleeping right now I'll try to get some rest myself. Goodnight. _

 

Lexa had to laugh at this.  _ Sorry, Mom. I guess I've never been able to sit still for long, huh? That still hasn't changed. If it weren't for the workouts I do everyday, I'm sure I'd drive everyone crazy. _

Now, Lexa had reached the end of her Becca's diaries. She knew the next part she'd read would be from the day before her mother died. The tears were already streaming down her face when she began reading.

 

**_August 12 1999_ **

_ Tomorrow I'm taking Lexa on a trip to Disney World. She doesn't know exactly where we're going yet, just that it's an amusement park. For her birthday last month, I promised her to take her on a small vacation to one during her holidays. She's always dreamt about going there and I want to see my little angel happy. _

_ Even at 5 years of age she hasn't changed much. Lexa is still a teeny tiny ball of high concentrated energy. It's really no wonder she's able to eat as much as a small army of toddlers, given how much she's running around. _

_ But I wouldn't change her for anything in the world. For me little firecracker is perfect just the way she is. Lexa is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Just one look in to her big, shining green eyes and everything is ok again. _

_ I still think of Marcus often and I just know he'd love her just as much as I do. I still miss him, but as long as I have Lexa and as long as I keep remembering all the good (and even the not so good) times we had together, he'll live on in me. _

_ I plan to tell Lexa about him soon. Right now she's still too young to understand what I would be telling her but I've already started teaching her that death is not the end, as long as we keep remembering those we've lost. _

_ I'm so proud her, she's already started wanting to learn Trigedasleng. I'm just glad that with Lexa our tribe culture will live on. I know she'll grow up into a fine young woman. _

 

That was the last thing Becca wrote in her diary. Whipping her tears away futilely, as they just kept on coming, Lexa put the book back into the box. She needed to come to terms with everything she just read before she could start reading the records her mother wrote about their clan and her medical researches.  _ I promise you, Mom and Dad, I will make your dream come true. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know who you expected to be Lexa's dad and what happened to him


	28. Chapter 27

The day had finally come. It was Saturday and their whole friend group was meeting up at Raven and Anya's place for their monthly gathering. Lexa spent the afternoon helping her sister and friend prepare everything for the night. Unlike the month prior, this time the brunette couldn't wait for their little party to get started.

"Turn down the excitement a bit, will you Lex?" Anya said, with an annoyed eye twitch, caused by said girl dancing around and humming random tunes all day.

"Let her be, Anya. I think it's cute how excited she is" replied the latina, looking at her friend with a soft smile. "This is the most relaxed I've seen her since Clarke's accident a month and a half ago."

Ignoring the dirty blonde's bickering, Lexa kept on smiling and humming as she set up the drinks. "I'm so happy Clarke is gonna join us tonight! This way, we'll be able to show her what her family of misfits is like!"

20 minutes later there was a knock on the door. When Raven opened it, she was greeted by Octavia, Lincoln, Bellamy and Echo. The four of them brought along even more snacks and drinks. Another half an hour later Jasper and Maya arrived along with Harper and Monty, who carried a bottle of his infamous Moonshine in his hands.

"The only one missing now is Clarke" Lexa observed, wringing her hands nervously.  _ What if she changed her mind? What if she doesn't show up? _

As if reading her thoughts, Octavia came over and put a hand on the slightly older brunette's shoulder. "Don't worry, Lex. I'm sure she'll be here soon."  Lexa shot her friend a shaky smile.

When they heard someone knocking on the door once again, Lexa all but ran towards it, causing the rest of her friends to laugh at her antics. "I'll get it!" Before she opened the door, Lexa took a deep breath.  _ Calm down and pull yourself together Woods! You aren't a teenager anymore! So woman up and greet your girlfriend like an adult! _ Once the door opened, she was struck at how beautiful the blonde looked.

Clarke was wearing a white, flowing summer dress that stopped at her knees, with red floral prints that started at her waist all the way down to the bottom. On her feet she had a pair of black strap heels. She wore little to no make-up on her face. To Lexa, she was the most beautiful woman she ever laid eyes on, she always has been.

"Clarke, wow. You look incredible" the brunette was left speechless by the sight in front of her. "I'm so glad you could make it. Come in, everyone else is already here."

"Thank you, Lexa" the blonde replied with a shy smile, following the brunette to the kitchen. "You don't look too bad yourself."

Lexa wore a pair of dark grey, slim-fit denim jeans along with a white shirt with a black skull on it and black, old skool vans. When she came over earlier that day she had on a dark grey leather jacket that had a sweat hoodie over her shirt.

"Oh this? This is nothing compared to your dress" Lexa answered as she got a beer for herself and Clarke out of the fridge.

"Stop the flirting and get over here already so we can get started!" Anya yelled impatiently, receiving an elbow in the side from her girlfriend.

"Stop it already!" Raven hissed at her. "Leave them alone! You should be happy your sister is starting to be happy again."

Huffing the older woman walked towards the table with the drinks and refilled her cup. "Now that everyone is here, I'd like to bring out a toast. I know it's been a rough time lately, for some more than others, but I'm really glad to see all of you here, back together. So, let's all drink together and celebrate this weird family."

Nodding, they all took a sip from their drinks until Raven caught something strange in the corner of her eye. "Hey, hey! What's this, O? Why are you only drinking water?"

_ Busted  _ the youngest Blake thought uncomfortably. Stepping closer to Lincoln, she let him wrap his arm around her shoulder. Looking into his eyes, she waited for him to nod, letting her know it's ok to tell their friends. Hesitatingly, she started. "Well, we wanted to wait a bit more into the night before telling you guys, but now is as good a time as ever I guess, plus we're all still sober… well mostly" she added, looking over at Jasper, who already had a drunken flush to his face. "Without further ado, I'm pregnant" she finished with a wide grin.

For a second, everyone was quiet, too stunned by the news, before all hell broke loose. The girls all ran over towards the youngest member of their group, each giving her a big hug, telling her how happy they are for the couple. While the guys went over to Lincoln, clapping him on the back in congratulations.

When Bellamy approached him, he had a stern look on his face. Lincoln would never admit it out loud, but for the first time in his life he was slightly intimidated by the older Blake. Gulping, he squared his shoulders, preparing himself for what's to come.

To say he was surprised, when a shiteating grin crossed the brown haired man's face shortly before he got enveloped in a hug, was an understatement. "Congratulations, my friend. I know I gave you a hard time, back when you first started dating O, but I want you to know that I trust you wholeheartedly when it comes to my sister and I know you'll take good care of her and the baby. I'm proud I get to call you my brother."

Lincoln answered him with a smile of his own. "Thank you, Bellamy. It means a lot hearing you say this. I promise you, I won't disappoint your trust in me."

Nodding, Bellamy raised his cup. "Good. Now, let's celebrate the good news before we all end up getting too mushy." Laughing the two males went to get a refill.

Over at the girls side, Raven and Clarke were practically squeezing the life out of their life long friend with how tight they were hugging her. Anya and Lexa were trying to pull them off before they suffocated the poor girl.

"Ok, ok, girls. Let her go, will you? She needs to breathe for two now and with how tight you guys are holding her, I doubt she's getting enough air for one person" Anya said, finally managed to pull her girlfriend off.

"Sorry. But, oh my god! Who would have thought that the baby of our group would be the first one to actually have a baby?" Clarke asked, jumping up and down in excitement.

"Yes, it came as a surprise for us too. Don't get me wrong, me and Linc talked about having kids, but we didn't expect for it to happen now. We were always safe, but I guess even the best prevention fails sometimes."

As the party went on Clarke ended up sitting across from the two pairings that surprised her the most. "I just can't believe you two weedheads actually found some girls that are willing to put up with all of your antics."

Laughing at her disbelieving face, Jasper asked. "That is the EXACT same expression you had when I introduced Maya to you all back in college."

"Just… how? How did this happen?"

Smiling understandingly, Maya tried to ease her friends confusion. "Jasper and I were put together for a project in our chemistry class and got to know each other. When we had to submit our work to the teacher, I didn't want to risk not getting to hang out with Jasper anymore, because I had already started to develop feelings for him, so I asked him if he wanted to go out with me sometime. We've been inseparable ever since. I guess you could say we had good chemistry" she finished with a giggle, winking at the blonde.

"And what about you two? How did you end up together?" Clarke asked the other couple.

"As I've told you before, Maya used to be my roommate in college and her and Jasper introduced Monty and I. We just hit it off right away and have been in a relationship ever since." Harper explained.

"This is still so unbelievable. I need some time to get used to this."

"Last time, it took you almost three months" Monty chuckled.

On the other side of the room, an obviously drunk Bellamy approached an amused looking Lexa. "Woods! I challenge you to a fuel! And cis time, I'll peat you once and fur all!"

Laughing the young lawyer shook her head. "You can't even beat me when you're sober, what makes you think you'll be able to do it while drunk? You're hardly able to stand on your own two feet Bellboy."

"Stop callin' me dat! I juice know, tit time I'll be the swinger" he slurred. He didn't realize everyone was laughing at his attempt to speak.

"Alright, Bellboy. You'll get your duel" Lexa agreed, still laughing.

Just as they were about to start their game, there was a knock at the door.

"Are we expecting anyone else?" Raven asked.

"Yes" Clarke said, standing up. "I hope you don't mind, but I invited someone else over, because they helped me a lot ever since I got released from the hospital. They weren't sure if they could make it because they had to work late, that's why I didn't say anything before." Walking over to the door, she threw her friend a look over her shoulder, asking for permission to let the person on the other side of the door in.

Anya sighed. "I guess it's ok this once, but next time please tell us beforehand. These gatherings are meant to be just between us."

Smiling apologetically, Clarke nodded. "Thank you and I understand. Sorry for not informing you sooner." Opening the door, she hugged the person behind it and said. "Hey, I'm glad you could make it. Come on in."

_ I wonder who that person is.  _ Lexa, who had been looking at the door the whole time with eyes narrowed in suspicion froze. She could feel her blood start to boil and her vision turning red as a young man with sloppy brown hair and a smug grin walked in. She let out an almost inhuman like growl.

" _ Collins! _ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's outfit is inspired by one of my own favorite outfits


	29. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, anybody still here?  
> If so I want to apologize for the long wait. I have no excuse besides being lazy and feeling uninspired. Well...I guess uninspired is the wrong word since I did come up with dozens of new ideas for future fics. All of them being NaruSaku and I won't start working on them until this story is finished.  
> That being said, I had a lot of trouble writing this chapter. As I mentioned before the whole plot for this fanfic was set before I even began writing, that doesn't mean actually WRITING it down is easy.  
> Plus I disgusted myself with one of the flashbacks so i recommend having a punshing bag and a trash can to vomit into near by.
> 
> On another here's a little update on my dad: after sitting in a wheelchair for about 10 weeks he is starting to learn how to walk again.

The whole apartment became eerily quiet after Lexa's bloodcurdling growl. Everyone was looking at the new addition next to Clarke with varying degrees of glares. The most intensive death glare of course, came from Lexa, followed by Raven, Octavia, Anya and Lincoln. Bellamy wore a hard glare of his own, but due to his level of intoxication, he was glaring at a foliage plant that stood in the corner of the room.

"Uhm, guys? Is something wrong?" Clarke asked apprehensively not receiving any answers.

Finn chuckled next to her as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Is this how you greet an old friend? How about a hug?" he said as his smug grin just grew wider.

"Take your dirty hands off of her, you filthy bastard!" Lexa snapped, the sneer on her face deepening as she walked over to them, ripped his arm forcefully from the blonde and shoved Clarke behind herself. "Who do you think you are barging in here like that? Was the beating I gave you six years ago not enough?"

"Lexa!" Clarke exclaimed startled as she found her balance again from being handled so roughly. "Have you lost your mind?" Raven and Octavia came to her sides trying to pull her away further.

"Yeah, Woods, what's up with the threats?" Finn laughed haughtily.

"Oh, you know exactly what's up, jackass! Or do you need me to freshen up your memory?" the brunette hissed at him. "I told you to stay away from Clarke!"

"I did stay away from her. That is, until her mother contacted me, asking me to meet up with them. After that, it was Clarke who reached out to me, because she remembers me as that _loving_ boyfriend of hers. And who am I to deny her wishes?" The smirk on his face made Lexa's blood boil even more.

The lawyer burst forward and grabbed the brown haired male by the collar of his shirt, pushing him against the wall and growling in his face. 

"Lexa! Stop it!" Clarke cried. Octavia and Raven were struggling to hold her back. The rest of their group stood back, knowing it was something Lexa had to take care of herself.

"Don't act like you care about what she wants! We all _know_ that you don't care about anyone that isn't you! Why else would you have cheated on her _multiple_ times? Why else would you have tried to force yourself on her after she broke up with your pathetic ass? Scum like you doesn't deserve her!"

Several gasps could be heard around the room, some because Lexa let out a secret they swore to never tell, others because of what they just heard. The loudest though came from Clarke herself. _What did she just say? No, this can't be true. Finn would never do something like that to me._

"Finn?"

"Don't listen to a word she says, Clarke. You know me. I would _never_ do anything to harm you" Finn struggled to look at the blonde over Lexa's shoulder. He attempted to throw her an endearing smile, but getting his air cut off by the brunette turned it into a grimace.

"SHUT UP! Stop telling her lies! We all warned her about you, but she wouldn't believe us! Not until she caught you in bed with Jessica at a party!" Lexa started putting more and more pressure against his neck.

Clarke froze as her eyes widened.

 

**Flashback**

_An 18 year old Clarke was walking through the house of one of her high schoolmates looking for her boyfriend, who somehow disappeared shortly after they arrived at the party. It wasn't uncommon for them to spent the evening in different friend groups, but they'd make sure to go back to the other every now and then. For the last hour she hasn't been able to see even a trace of him._

_Opening a door on the second floor, her eyes widened at what she found. On the bed in front of her was a half naked Finn on top of a topless girl, she recognized as Jessica from her biology class. The two looked at her like deers caught in the headlights._

"What's going on here? Finn! How could you? I thought you loved me!" _Not giving him anytime to explain himself, Clarke turned around and stormed out of the room not even trying to hide her tears._

 _Putting on his shirt and pants as fast as he could, Finn ran after her._ "Clarke, wait! It's not what you think! Let me explain!"

 _Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, the young artist turn on him._ "Fuck you! I don't need your explanation! I can't believe Lexa of all people was right about you! I should have listened to my friends, you're nothing more than a cheating asshole!"

_Having taken notice of the fight taking place, Octavia and Raven walked over to their distraught friend and escorted her out of the house and back to her own home just three streets down._

**End flashback**

 

"J-Jessica… I caught him in bed with her… " Clarke mumbled to herself quietly. _What was this? Was that a memory? No… my mind must be playing tricks on me, but… it felt so real…_

Socking him in the jaw Lexa continued her rant. "And what did you bastard do after she left you in the dust? You stalked her! You ambushed her, when you thought she was on her own! You physically hurt her! You pushed her against a wall, slapped her and tried to force yourself on her! And for what? Because your ego, that's just as small as the stick you call a dick, got hurt!"

Finn lay on the ground, glaring at the brunette. The smirk finally whipped off of his face as he was bleeding from the corner of his mouth.

Behind them, Clarke started shaking as another memory assaulted her.

 

**Flashback**

_Clarke was on her way home from the little diner she worked at to save some money, for when she starts college in a few weeks. Even though it was still early in the evening and the sun had barely started to set, not a single soul was out on the street, giving the blonde an uneasy feeling._

_Just as she passed an alley between two shops, a hand shot out and wrapped itself around her waist pulling her into the alley. At the same time another hand came up and covered her mouth, holding back the scream she wanted to let out. Her back was slammed against the wall, making the air rush out of her lungs and leaving her winded._

_When she was able to get rid of the stars clouding her vision after the impact, Clarke let out a startled gasp as she saw who stood in front of her._

"F-Finn? What-"

 _Said man cut her off by back handing her in the face._ "Shut up! You think you can embarrass me like that? You think you can break up with me like that?! I decide when I'm finished with you! And we're not done yet! You belong to me Clarke! And I'll make sure no one else will ever want you, when I'm done with you" _he promised with a menacing grin on his face._

_It had been a bit over a week since the party, where Clarke found him in bed with another girl and broke up with him. Little did she know, that he has been following her around ever since, just waiting for an opportunity like this, when she's on her own._

_Clarke tried to free herself from him, but no matter how much she struggled, she kept on failing because he was stronger than her._

_Finn grabbed both of her wrists in one of his hands and held them above her head. With his other hand he began groping her side and breast, while he pushed his body more firmly against hers. Licking her neck he mumbled_ "I've been waiting to do this since before we started dating. I can't believe you've made me wait this long. All the other girls offered themselves to me right away."

 _Clarke whimpered when his hand slipped under her shirt and started caressing her stomach._ "P-please, Finn. Don't d-do this." _Her plea was answered by him rubbing his crotch against her thigh. The hardness she felt there almost made her throw up._

 _He moved his free hand to the button of her jeans._ "This is going to happen one way or another, if you want to get some enjoyment out of this for yourself, I suggest you relax and let me do as I want." _Before he could unbutton her pants though, he was brutally pushed aside and thrown to the ground, with something on top of him holding him down._

 _What neither of them noticed, was that Lexa was walking on the other side of the street, having just come out of the library, where she returned a book she needed for a school project. When she reached her car, she looked up and just so happened to have parked across from the alley Finn dragged Clarke into. She could barely make out the people, but she recognized enough to know who it was._ Clarke! I have to help her! _With that thought in mind, the brunette rushed across the street, not even bothering to make sure no cars were coming. She grabbed Finn by the waist and tackled him to the floor, where she then straddled him and held his shoulders down._

"What do you think you're doing, you asshole! Wasn't she clear enough for you when she broke up with you?" _With that Lexa pulled her right fist back and hit him in the face again and again until his left eye was swollen shut and he started bleeding from his mouth and broken nose._ "You think you can force yourself on a girl? Especially when she obviously wants nothing to do with you anymore!" _Standing up, she kicked him in between the legs with as much force as she could muster._ "That will teach you a lesson. If I ever see you near Clarke again I'll do much worse than this."

 _After he passed out from the beating and the pain, Lexa turned around and slowly walked back towards Clarke, who slid down the wall and started crying uncontrollably, after he was removed from her. Cautiously, the brunette kneeled in front of her as not to startle her any more and softly said_ "Clarke, are you ok? What a dumb question. Of course you're not okay. Let's call the police, so they can take care of him."

 _The blonde's head snapped up at this, her eyes wide with fear._ "No! No police! I don't want anyone to find out about this."

 _Seeing the angry red bruise on Clarke's right cheek for the first time, Lexa tenderly brushed her fingers over it, which caused the blonde to wince._ "I'm sorry" _Lexa whispered, removing her hand from the bruise and laying it on the blonde's shoulder instead._ "He hurt you, Clarke. He tried to…" _she couldn't bring herself to say it._ "He _needs_ to be punished! He deserves it!"

"Please?" _the blonde begged as even more tears fell from her eyes._

 _Lexa looked into the blue eyes in front of her. They were full of desperation, fear and sadness. Sighing, she nodded her head and relented._ "Fine… I won't call the cops. You're staying the night at my place though, I know your mom is practically never at home and I really don't want you to be on your own right now. Is that ok?" _Lexa offered her hand to help the blonde up, which Clarke accepted and held on to during their short walk to the soccer player's car._

 _Ten minutes later, they arrived at Lexa's house. The drive there was uncomfortably quiet, only Clarke's sobs and occasional sniffles could be heard. Not once did she let go of Lexa's hand. Walking inside they were met by Lexa's siblings_ "What the hell happened?" _Anya asked shocked at the artist's distraught appearance._

"No time for explanations. Call Raven and Octavia, I'm sure Clarke needs them now" _Lexa answered as she guided the other girl up the stairs and to her room._

_Not long after, they heard a commotion downstairs before Octavia, Bellamy and Raven burst into the room, followed by the other two Woods siblings._

_Taking one glance at his friend crying in Lexa's arms, Bellamy barged forward and grabbed Lexa by the collar of her shirt._ "What the hell did you do to her?!"

 _Shaking him off, she glared him square in the eyes._ " _I_ didn't do anything to her! This is the work of your good for nothing cheater of a friend!" _Shocked expressions crossed the faces of all those who weren't part of the earlier encounter._

 _Sitting up and crawling to the edge of the bed she was on, Clarke softly tugged on her saver's arm._ "Lexa…" _was all she was able to mumble before sobs started wracking her body again._

 _Immediately, Lexa sat back down next to her and wrapped her arms around the blonde's shoulder protectively, while she hid her face in the crook of her neck._ "Shh, it's ok Clarke, I'm here. I'm here."

**End flashback**

 

"Fuck this shit!" Finn grumbled, getting up. He turned his glare from Lexa to the shaking blonde behind her. "You can't be good enough of a fuck to be worth getting my ass kicked twice! I'm outta here!" With that he turned and hurried out of the door, before he could get hit again.

Growling, Lexa slammed the door behind him and took several deep breaths to calm herself down, which wasn't easy with all the adrenaline and anger rushing through her. When she somewhat succeeded, she looked worriedly at the blonde, who was still in a protective embrace by Octavia and Raven. Slowly she approached them and asked "Clarke? Are you alright? Did he hurt you in any way?"

Unable to process what happened in front of her and the memories that just came back to her, Clarke went into shock. Her face lost all its color and the trembling got even worse. 

"Hey, Clarke! Snap out of it" the latina next to her said, tapping her cheek softly.

"It's no use. Let's sit her down" Octavia suggested. After walking Clarke over to the nearest chair, they sat her down. "Linc, could you get her a glass of water, please? Thank you."

When she received the glass, Octavia held it to the blonde's mouth, letting her take a few small sips from it. "I… I can't believe this happened. That Finn would do something like this to me."

"I'm sorry, Clarke. But that is the person he really is. A disgusting, arrogant, selfish prick, who only cares about what he wants without giving a fuck about how it affects others" Lexa replied, her anger raising again.

"I can't believe I fell for it. Not just once but twice" the artist mumbled, hiding her face in her hands in shame.

"What do you mean? Did you remember something?" Raven asked, running her fingers through blonde hair, in hope of calming her friend down.

Clarke nodded. "Yes. I remembered the party and what he did to me in that alley."

Jasper stepped forward uncertainly. "What happened there?"

"Not now, Jasper" Lincoln told him in an unusually hard voice.

"I'm so sorry you had to remember it like this, Clarke" Lexa said, kneeling in front of the blonde. "I wish there was a way you wouldn't have to relive this."

"Get away from me!" Clarke exclaimed suddenly as she sprung up from her seat, glaring at the lawyer.

Confused, Lexa stood up and backed away a few steps. "Clarke? What's going on?"

"You have the nerve to ask? I remember what happened in that alley and I know _you_ took advantage of that situation! Why else would I have ever gotten into a relationship with you? I may have started to accept you as a friend now but I would never _ever_ fall in love with you!"

"But… Clarke, I told you before how that came to be. After what happened with Finn, _you_ asked me to stay with you, to protect you. We became friends after that and if it weren't for Ahn and O encouraging me to make a move we would've never gotten together. I was content with being your friend and loving you from afar as long as you were happy and safe, that is all that has _ever_ mattered to me." Lexa tried to explain, but one look at the blue eyes and she knew it was pointless. Clarke rebuild the walls around her.

"Clarke, I think it's best if we take you home, before you do or say something you will regret later on" Octavia suggested, already leading her friend towards the door with Lincoln in tow.

"The only thing I'm gonna regret is letting _her_ be part of my life! You hear that Woods?! I never want to see you again! I finally know the real you! Stay the _hell_ away from me!" Clarke screamed, before the door fell closed.

Lexa stood there, her world once again crumbling down around her. Raven came over to her and put her hand on her shoulder. "Everything is gonna be ok Lex. That was just the shock and fear talking."

"Rea is right. Clarke is just scared because she fell for Finn's trick again and the memories she said that came back to her must have overwhelmed her. She's only worried about being lied to again. Just give her a few days" Echo added.

Lexa looked at her friends feeling at loss. "I hope you guys are right." She gave them a broken smile. _I just feel like this time she really meant it._ "I'm heading home, too. After that encounter, I'm not really in the mood for a party, guys." Not wanting her friends to stop her in her retreat, Lexa left as fast as she could.

"They can never catch a break, can they?" Anya let out out a deep sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all don't hate me too much for this...  
> Just let me explain this: all this information Clarke just received is putting her into "overload." Which means the denial, she was in before, got re-enhanced, which is why she's throwing all those things at Lexa. She's back to not knowing who to trust. It's her selfdefence acting up again. Plus this is the second person she's put her trust into after the accident who ended up lying to her, so it's to be expected that Clarke will be afraid of putting her trust in someone else, that's why she's trying to push Lexa away  
> Things are getting hard for Lexa too and she'll have to make a decision soon.


End file.
